36 Questions to Fall in Love...in 36 days!

Chapter 26: Mothers Who Forget and a God Who Doesn't

19 November 2023🥀

"- Your eyes are burning young Leonardo," Pastor John states in that deep stern way even when he's not preaching. He makes his way towards me in slow steps.

"Burning?"

"Burning with questions." He finishes, his blue eyes holding mine in place.

It's like he sees something that the whole world is blind to.

He's dressed in a grey button up shirt and black formal pants that compliment his pale skin, a serene smile on his face.

I'm a little put off that he noticed me. Especially since I decided to sit at the back corner in church, to breathe a little while Mkhulu had a serious talk with a few of the members of church in the office upstairs.

Church ended twenty minutes ago so there was no one else in here except me staring at the cross that was built in the altar.

"Aren't you supposed to be in the meeting Pastor John?"

He smiles, an easy smile, taking a seat next to me.

"Something tells me I'm needed here," he says softly, glancing at me.

I look away.

"Thank you Pastor John but the service you gave this morning was quite enough. I don't need anything else."

"Of course." He nods, but stays seated.

For a moment I wanted to be alone...

"There's not many like us you know," Pastor John breaks through to my thoughts.

I furrow my brows, glancing at him.

"Like us?"

"Yeah," he smiles, it reaches his blue eyes but it looks more 'pained.

"Mother's who have failed us."

My heart constricts, I look ahead of me wanting him to leave more than I wanted him to leave before.

" It's weird isn't it? Growing up with your friends who all claim to have the best mother in the world when yours takes the prize of the worst."

The tightening in my heart makes it harder for me to breathe, more painful and constricted. Like every breath is a needle pierced into my heart.

"I'm not here to hurt you." Pastor John says, his voice comforting.

"Then stop talking, please. I don't want to think about her." I put my hands over my head trying to block out his voice.

But if I'm being honest I'm trying to block out her voice that still echoes in my head. All the words she said. All the answers she gave. Everything.

'Goodbye Leonardo.'

I feel a warm hand placed on my shoulder, " Son," Pastor John speaks, "
I ask for ten minutes of your time. Only ten."

I pull my hands away, placing them by my sides.

"Why? Will these ten minutes bring my mother back? Will it give me a new mother? Will it change my life? I'm really sick and tired of you giving false hope to matters that clearly have no hope."

"You've given up?" His blue eyes pierce with astonishment.

The shame settles over me.

" Why didn't God give me a mother who loved me. I would have been fine with at least a mother who loved me. But my father's a question mark and my mother's the lady from the game Temple run- always running."