36 Questions to Fall in Love...in 36 days!

Chapter 70: Traffic and Love

6 December 2023🥀

01:55

I'm stuck in a crowd of cars. The suffocating, car blaring traffic stops  me from getting to the hospital in time. Every car, truck and  passenger is in my way. I take more stops than I've ever taken since I've started driving.

Restrained amongst a crowd of cars and trucks that beep and hoot at the cars and even passengers ahead, I catch sight of the illuminating light in the sky.

A white airplane flies across the night sky with ease, and freedom, with space to breathe and spread out. Suddenly the car feels suffocating. The air is tight.

The traffic is louder, tortuous. The airplane flies out my line of vision. I wish that there was a way to fly to Mkhulu, to get to him with the same ease and freedom that only an airplane can bring.

The blinding lights from other cars illuminate certain parts of the road and sometimes even certain drivers in the cars. They all look obnoxiously happy. I hear laughter pouring out from the car beside me. Then there's loud  music breaking out from the car in front of me.

The  midnight air is alive with joy. The joy of the night but it's not the same for me.

I wonder what in the world everyone is  doing awake at  this  time. Frustration pours out of me, the silence of my car contrasting with the laughter and music from the other cars. Contrasting with the filled passenger and backseats from the other cars while mine remains empty.

I'm not crying, I don't think I can. My thoughts overlap each other.My nerves build upon themselves and sitting still, waiting in this traffic becomes a struggle.

Besides that, there's this tight pain in my chest, it's something I can handle, something that sets me apart from the joyous people awake in the night.

The watch on my wrist strikes two. Or is it morning?

My phone rings, for a moment I think it's Alex. My throat closes up, assuming he's about to tell me  worse news.

Olivia.

For a moment, I simply stare, her name lighting up on my phone sends this frustrating resistance within me. I feel myself crumbling, melting and  crushing under the weight of it all.

I can't talk to her, not right now.

Answering the phone would mean telling her what happened, it would mean recounting the whole thing. Answering the phone would mean opening up myself up to comfort when I can't even accept that I'm in pain.

I let the phone ring, my throat closing up even more. The  pain in my chest only gets sharper. I can't talk to her right now. I can't talk to anyone.

I can't —

Breathe.  The air that escapes me is needed. I cough, trying to catch it,  but it escapes me again. The  pain in my chest just gets sharper. Punishing. I slam my fist on the steering wheel, frustrated.

My phone falls face first, on the car but what stops my breathing is the sound of her voice, on speaker — “Hello?”

Tears well up in my eyes, the laughter from the car beside me is louder, the music from the other car is suffocating, taunting. The beat clash with the turmoil going through my head in the ugliest of ways.

I decide to ignore it. To ignore that my phone answered itself, to ignore Olivia.

What is she doing awake at this time?