The moon hangs over the sky, glistening against the darkness. There's not a star in sight except for the airplanes that fly across the expanse of the night sky. I sometimes mistake it for a star then I see it moving.
The air on the hospital rooftop is chilly, rippling through my clothes and making my spine shiver but I barely move a muscle. I've been up here for a while. The tears have run dry for now, my heart openly bleeds and twists with this knife of pain.
I've been trying, and trying and failing with words. Wanting to talk, shout and yell at God but nothing comes out. I'm still in shock. My soul is shocked and shaken to the core.
The one person I thought that the Lord would always keep with me is... gone.
How can I believe that the God who loves me was there, in that hospital room with me as I prayed and begged and cried for Mkhulu not to die but he still died.
How?
Despite that, there's still this stirring up within my soul to pray. To pray even though it's all over. To pray even though it's too late.
He should've answered those other prayers of mine. How can I trust him anymore?
"I know" I start off, in a hoarse whisper "...you're not a feeling but sometimes I want to feel you. I know you're always speaking but sometimes it's like I'm deaf. I know you're always with me but most times I feel like the only soul alive."
The silence greets me, deafening. I sit in this silence for a while. Across the sky, an airplane flies, its yellow and red light hard to miss, even from all the way down here.
"The moon's really nice, out here tonight."
A voice, out of nowhere speaks, frightening me.so much so I almost fall forward, down the rooftop to my death. I scream, but it's silent, a whisper and hoarse as I stare at the old man who smiles at my terror.
He's got a grey beard, and head of hair, almost close to the colour pure white. His skin is a dark brown, and a scar runs across his face. The old man is dressed in a hospital gown.
"How long have you been standing here?" I ask, trying to catch my breath, and gripping the ledge of the rooftop, tightly.
The old man smiles, amused. He takes a seat, next to me, a little too close for a stranger.
He doesn't answer my question immediately.
" The part about God not being a feeling and stuff. Wait. You were talking about God right?"
I don't answer him. Instead I turn my face away from him, furious. Why didn't he leave and give me privacy? Why didn't he at least pretend to have not heard what I said?
Why is he an old man?
"The moon's really beautiful."
Who cares, I want to say but instead I say nothing.
"It's also constant, even when you don't see it."
I groan, inwardly because it sounds like I'm about to receive those random lectures that old people like to give.
The old man laughs, gruff and familiar. It shoots a pang through my heart from how similar it sounds to Mkhulu's laugh, something I'll never hear again.
"Look at the moon with me, young man." The old man speaks, despite seeing that my gaze is already set on the moon.
"Now let's close our eyes together."
A pause.
I turn my head to see that he's closed his eyes, as he stays facing the moon. A smile curves up his lips. " Come on, close your eyes."
YOU ARE READING
36 Questions to Fall in Love...in 36 days!
Romance" Olivia, I liked you from the moment you hiccuped your way into my life. It's funny really but it's the truth. I also wasted a lot of time and this is me trying to fix things. I'm asking you to give me 36 days to show my love for you and for you to...
