Guarding Chances (Battaglia Nella Vita #2)

Chapter 34

Arisanna Mirielle Trujillo

"How can I still be your source of strength...I mean, after all I did..." mahinang usal ko.

How can I still play a big part in his life after all that happened?

"Why do you look so surprised, isn't you enough reason for me to live my life? Mirielle, nothing changed. This world may changed us a lot but my love...it will never change, because I chained it, and made it more beautiful on my own." sabi niya sa akin.

He smiled at me after he said those words.

"Gael..." I softly mentioned his name, he smiled at me, a very different one from the smile he sent a while ago. It is more vibrant, radiating, and calming.

"It feels surreal. You mentioned my second name. I've been dying to hear that ever since everything happened. It feels so nice and warm." sabi niya at mahinang natawa, na tila hindi makapaniwala sa sariling nararamdaman.

"I don't know what to say. I don't want to assume that we're okay, that we are fine with each other because personally, I don't want us to be okay. I don't want us to be fine with each other just like that. I did something wrong, we hurt each other, and I don't think it is appropriate for us to be suddenly connected with each other once again." sabi ko sa kaniya.

I don't want to rush everything. I don't like to start here. I want to start a new, fresh, and warmer beginning with him. He doesn't deserve to start from scratch, he doesn't deserve to walk on a wrecked bridge, but he deserves to walk to a well-made bridge that is stronger to hold him.

"What do you mean, Mirielle? Have you already walked forward, far away from me? Am I not allowed to be in your heart at this moment?" tanong niya sa akin. Napailing ako. 

"Not allowed? How can that be possible when you are still here the entire time, Ga?" tanong ko sa kaniya. Nanlaki ang kaniyang mata at tila hindi agad naiproseso ang aking sinabi.

"M-Mirielle...What did you say?" tanong niya sa akin at hindi pa rin ako maunawaan.

"You smell like alcohol, are you drunk?" dagdag niya pa. I laughed. I don't know what's happening to me. Lumalakas pala talaga ang loob ng isang tao kapag nakainom. Napailing-iling na laman ako.

"Mahal kita, Waylen Gael. Mahal na mahal pa rin kita." sabi ko ay mahinang natawa.

"Mirielle, if you're playing right now, please stop. My hopes keep on increasing and it's not healthy." sabi niya sa akin.

"Bakit ba ayaw mong maniwala sa akin?" tanong ko sa kaniya at napanguso. Ilang taon lang kaming hindi nagkasama at nagkita, bakit naging ganito na siya? Is it my fault? I think yes, I did something selfish only think about my situation, maybe I deserve this. Maybe this is the payment of what I did.

"Stop overthinking. I just don't want to keep my hopes up and by the next day, lahat ng sinabi mo ay babawiin mo. Ayokong maniwala lalo na't nakainom ka. I want to hear those words when you're sober, Arisanna Mirielle." his voice even got deeper. God, why I am noticing unimportant and unecessary things during this serious conversation?

"Mirielle, eyes up." sabi niya at marahang hinawakan ang aking braso. Fudge, did he just noticed me looking at his reddish lips?

"Stop torturing me, baby. Come on, look at me. In the eyes." pag-ulit niya kaya wala na akong nagawa kung hindi sundin siya. He looks so handsome. His hair is a bit long and it looks so silky that it gives me an urge to play with it.

"Do you still love me, Ga?" tanong ko sa kaniya. So this is where alcohol brings me, to conversations I am so afraid of, and questions I don't want to hear the answer to.