A little bit of your heart | h.j l.m.h

Chapter 40

"Well... have a good night then." I played with the rocks under my feet as we had finished dropping everyone to their house.

"Have a good night Ji..." He seemed a bit out of it, making me look at him.
But it only ended up in our orbits meeting, I didn't want to look away. And I would be lying if I said I didn't feel anything when looking at him.

"Maybe we could go to my house?" He offered and my body answered itself.

Wait, did I just nod????

"Let's go then." He grabbed my wrist and we headed to his car. I was reluctant about the idea, mainly because I had work tomorrow and I had to sleep early but also because I was scared a part of me was still in love with him.
Minho started the car and drove off to his house.

It was small but more than enough for one person.
He showed me the rooms and I followed him into the living room, it seemed cozy and I let myself fall on the couch.

"I missed you." He whispered and my eyes opened sharply.
I looked at him and his stupid smile gave me butterflies in my stomach, I rolled my eyes and looked back at the ceiling.

"Do you want to talk about the past?" He hesitantly asked as I shook my head.

"It's useless Minho, we're adults now, talking about a past relationship is nothing but a waste of time." I of course didn't feel this way at all, I had dreamed so many times of seeing him and getting back together, but it would have been to embarrassing to admit.

"Hm, can I be honest then?" He laid down and I looked at where he was.

"Go ahead."

"During the two years I was away, I never stopped thinking about you, I felt like a coward, a piece of shit." He sighed. "I asked myself if what I had done was the good thing, maybe I was just being selfish? But it wasn't true, because leaving you hurt me so much, I went to therapy for months, hoping I would heal. My mom didn't understand, I only went out with you for a week, but it marked me so much that I couldn't get over it." He took a breath and and my heart tightened at his every word.

"I wondered, 'is Jisung okay? Is he fine without me? Has he moved on?' These thoughts were eating me alive and I ended up having the worst argument with my parents, I begged them to go back, just to find you and tell you I loved you." Our eyes met and he sat up.

"They thought I was crazy, but they eventually had to came to the conclusion that I was gay, and that I loved you." He took my index in his hand, and I let him do it.

"Can we... try again?" He bit his bottom lip waiting for my answer, I passed a hand through my hair and sighed.

"You left without saying anything, I begged you to stay, I tried to reach out for weeks, and you're asking me if we can get back together?" I was angry, my blood was boiling and the memories of that night were slowly coming back.

"I know I've done the wrong choices but-" I cut him off by standing up.

"I understand that you were going through a hard time, I really do. But you can't except that right after showing up after two year I'd gladly accept to be with you, it was so hard for me to move on, I don't want you to just ruin all of my effort." I managed to blurt out.

"I understand, sorry for being selfish." He looked down and I shook my head.

"We just weren't meant to be, don't be sorry." I patted his shoulder.

"I have to go, see you later?" I hesitated and my heart sank at the sight.

"Yeah, have a good night." He followed me to the front door and I simply nodded before leaving.

I walked down and realised we came with his car, I mentally slapped myself.
I had to walk back to my house, which was approximately 30 minutes away, I sighed but accepted my fate since asking Minho to drive me back would be too much of an embarrassment.
I thought back about what he said and my heart broke, he must have had suffered more than me, his parents still telling him what to do and how to feel, even though he couldn't change it.
I had restrain myself too much, tears started to slowly roll down my cheeks, each drop reminding me memories of us and how happy I was when we were still together.

I still love him.