Fateful Desire || Bang Chan

◇ 31 ◇

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Alex's p.o.v

The healing process sucked ass. After a week, I was already fed up. Don't get me wrong, I was grateful for Minho and Sungjae saving my life, but the fact that I couldn't leave my bedroom irked me. It was like I was being confined here all over again, except, of course, the circumstances were different. It was my own room now, with my own personal touch, the door always remained wide open (at my request)... and I wasn't allowed to move. Or rather, I couldn't. It hurt too much.

After Minho had kept me under observation for about two days, he let me be brought up to my room so I'd be more comfortable whilst recovering. Admittedly, it had taken some nagging on my end to make him comply. His compromise was that I had to stay in bed, and if I needed anything, I had to call one of them. Food and drink? Snacks would be brought up instantly. Toilet break? Someone would help me into the bathroom and wait outside whilst I did my business. Part of me hated relying on the others, but I was also extremely grateful that they were willing to do so.

From what Minho had told me, the bullet hadn't gone through, and some fragments had broken off from it. Some of the fragments had made cuts on an organ or two (honestly, I wasn't paying attention to the specifics), but it had all been sewn up and the fragments removed. The blood transfusion was for the blood I'd lost during surgery. It had been a gruelling few hours for the doctors, but their expertise paid off in the end; I was living proof that they were good at what they did.

As Minho had cleared me to stay in my bedroom, it meant I also wasn't on any machines to check my stats. I was glad for this, as I hated the hospital-like atmosphere those things gave. Instead, Minho checked my stats every couple of hours or so. I had a feeling the frequency of his check-ups was more to do with just checking in on me; I think he was reluctant to let me be out of his sight for long.

It wasn't just Minho who visited me. Obviously, almost the rest of the Skz members came to see more often than not. They were paranoid about me getting lonely, and though it was sweet they considered this and wanted to help me in any way, sometimes I found myself wanting some me time. Almost every single time one of them would come to visit me, they'd bring snacks, or even a meal if it was meal time. I'd enjoy their company, laughing at their jokes and enjoying their hugs... but I found it difficult to touch the food.

Though I mostly portrayed to the others that I was fine for the most part, I had moments where I was definitely not fine. What had transpired a few days ago had affected me more than I realised it would. Yet, probably not for the reason most would think.

Yes, it sucked that I got shot, but I'd live. It sucked more that it was Chan who had shot me. But even more so, were the words that he'd said to me before I'd hit him. That I was a mistake to my parents, it was my fault they'd left... that they, or anyone else, didn't want me around.

Some part of me realised that they had been words spoken in his drunken stupor, and that there was a possibility that they hadn't really been meant at all, and only said out of drunken spite. Yet, I don't think I'd feel like this if Chan had come to see me at all. The thought of him not wanting me around actually hurt a lot; had he really meant those particular words?

It sounded stupid, but I wanted to see him. Despite it being awkward between us the past few weeks, I'd realised that I'd enjoyed seeing him more often than not, even if we hardly interacted. But now, despite my many visitors, even ones that weren't part of Skz, the one person I probably wanted to see the most never showed up. This saddened me more than I wanted to admit. I never even heard any of the others say anything about him or if he'd asked for me... though they did seem to skirt around the topic of Chan altogether.