𝓛𝓮𝓸𝓷 𝓚𝓮𝓷𝓷𝓮𝓭𝔂| 𝗜𝗺𝗮𝗴𝗶𝗻𝗲𝘀 𝗕𝗼𝗼𝗸 𝟯

Yearning For The Unlikely| Request

AN: In this request reader wants to start a family with Leon but is scared to bring it up. Eventually the truth comes out, but how will Leon react, and will reader get the family she desperately wants?
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How do you start a family with someone who's barely holding it together? The obvious choice would be to forget it, or to find someone else who can make me as happy as can be, where my dreams and deepest wishes can come true. However, Leon is my greatest love, I can't imagine being with anyone else, nor do I want to start a family with someone other than him.

I've always wanted to be a mother, it's always just been there for me, the natural instinct to care and teach a little one, to raise a mini version of me and build so many great memories with my partner and child. Leon and I have briefly talked about it, but he's never specifically asked me. I think he's aware of my desire to have a baby, but we haven't got any plans or even discussed in detail how it would all work.

With Leon's trauma, it's hard enough to look after one, yet alone adding a baby to the mix, who would unintentionally bring hightened emotions and the constant work. Leon's capable of being a father, I know it as well as I know myself, but he's scared. He's always worried for me, so I can't imagine how protective he'd be over a baby.

It's most painful when Leon and I are shopping, sometimes we'll see other couples shopping for baby clothes, and I yearn to do the same. I've joked about buying some baby outfits, but Leon just waved it off, as if the idea of preparing is something to be scared of. I see mothers cooing to their babies, and all I want is the same. Leon points out dad's tossing their babies into the air or holding little kids on their shoulders, and in my mind I can see Leon doing the very same.

Usually I can deal with it, keeping my deepest wish to myself, but as time passes and Leon and I get older, I know we're wasting time. Leon begins to notice the change in me. I go out less, the jealously of other families causing a stir inside of me. When Leon sees me lying in bed, trapped in my own fantasies, I can read his concern like a book. Yet he still has no idea I'm slowly withering away, watching as my own life becomes almost meaningless.

One night, whilst I'm cuddled up to Leon on the sofa, an advert on the TV plays with a mother and her baby. It's just a diaper advert, but immediately it flicks that switch in me, and I feel the tears run down my face. Leon stiffens, pausing the programme to turn to me, his face reaching up to cup my cheek. "What's wrong sweetheart? Why are you crying?" He coos.

I shake my head, sniffling. "I want a baby. You don't understand, I've tried to push the idea down and give you time, but I can't anymore. I want a family Leon, and it's killing me that you're both the reason I can't and the reason I want to. I won't leave you, ever, but I need to know if it's in the cards for us. Will we ever have a child together?"

Leon looks shell-shocked. He stares at me, hand dropping between us as he glances away, turning a few shades paler. "I-I don't know. I think I want to, with you obviously, but...what if I'm too fucked up to do it right? Some days I can barely look after myself, let alone you and a kid." He sighs, and the implication that he's denying me this one thing breaks my heart. I love him so much, but right now he's my biggest enemy.

"Okay." I broken heartedly whisper, hands shaking as I wipe my hair away from my face. Leon looks to me, looking guilty. "But you wouldn't be doing it alone, we'd both be there for the baby, and each other." I add.

Leon's lips purse together, but I don't want to hear anymore. With an excuse that I'm tired, I head to bed, unable to hold in the years worth of hope that crashes down on me. I fall asleep crying, hoping that I stay asleep to at least dream about the unlikely possibility of a family.

I'm woken to Leon's hand on my shoulder. I stir, rubbing my eyes and sitting up. He perches on the edge of the bed, giving me a small smile as I sit up and see that it's late. I watch Leon, sensing something is about to make or break our relationship. "I've been thinking," Leon begins, and my heart falls, "for a while, but even more so after you left a few hours ago. Starting a family with you seems terrifying, there's so many things that can go wrong, and I'm not always here, but...I know you want this, and I want you to be happy, so I think that I'm ready to have a baby with you. I can't promise I'll be a great father, but I swear I'll always fucking try my best. As long as I'm alive neither you or the kid will ever be in danger or unhappy."

I'm sobbing by the times Leon's finished, he smiles, blue eyes watery as I leap forwards and loop my arms around his neck, embracing him as he chuckles and hugs me back, stroking my back as I repeat "Thank you so much."

Eight Months Later

I'm nesting, and Leon finds it so amusing. He watches as I set up the nursery, after finally having the energy to unpack the toys and clothes. I've given him multiple heart attacks by putting the furniture together whilst he's been at work, then he's gently scolded me by tapping my nose and getting to his knees, talking about me to my bump.

"Your mom is a warrior, so you've never got to worry about being scared, she's the most amazing person I've ever met, I can't wait for you to meet us." He murmurs, kissing my belly as I run my fingers through his hair. Leon grins up at me, having a good day. Not every day has been like this, there's been numerous panic attacks over the months where he's been worried for me and the baby, but I can tell he's already in love with our kid.

"I'm sure they'll have your determination. God help when they can walk." I muse, a hand resting on the top of my bump.

"Yeah. Are you sure it's okay for me to leave next week? I can always tell the government to go fuc-"

"No swearing with the baby!" I frown, but then nod to Leon's question. "Yeah, we'll be okay."

Little did we both know that our little one was eager to come into the world. Halfway through Leon's mission I gave birth. It all happened so suddenly, and Leon sadly missed it as he flew across the world as fast as he could as soon as he heard I was in the hospital.

I sit up in the hospital bed, Chris and Claire had just left after meeting mine and Leon's little one. The baby rests in my arms, little hand wrapped around my one finger as I smile down at her, listening to her coos and babbles. I look up when the door opens, elated but surprised to see Leon standing there out of breath, still in his work clothes.

"Is the baby okay? Are you okay?" His lip wobbles as he worriedly asks. I nod, tears welling in my eyes as our baby makes a loud noise in response too. Leon stiffens at the sound, eyes zeroing in on the small bundle in my arms.

"We're both okay. Do you want to meet him?" I softly ask. Leon nods, then steps one foot in front of the other until he sees our baby for the first time. He swallows deeply, throat clogged full of emotion as he reaches out with shaky hands and carefully takes the bundle, holding her the right way already, the fatherly instincts already kicking in.

"Hey buddy," Leon smiles, a single tear slipping down his cheek, "it's good to meet you. I'm your dad."

I let out a small laugh as the baby reaches up and grabs Leon's top, pulling at it. "He's so handsome, just like his daddy, and I'm so proud of both of you."

Leon turns to me, sitting on the bed as I lean into him, wrapping an arm around his bicep. Leon presses a kiss to my head, his lips lingering for a second. "I'm so sorry I missed the birth, but I swear I'm gonna make up for it. I love you both so much, my greatest blessings."

I smile, watching my family, and thinking that I'm the one who's been blessed with an amazing boyfriend and beautiful baby boy.