𝓛𝓮𝓸𝓷 𝓚𝓮𝓷𝓷𝓮𝓭𝔂| 𝗜𝗺𝗮𝗴𝗶𝗻𝗲𝘀 𝗕𝗼𝗼𝗸 𝟯

Stop Pretending My Life Doesn't Scare You

Mine and Leon's relationship hasn't been a simple one. We love each other more than possible, but due to coming from two completely different places in our lives it means our roles and jobs are so vastly contrasting. Leon's led a life of danger and action, mine has been moderately average and less traumatic than his multiple near death experiences. He's a government agent, and I'm just a normal citizen, who's biggest worry is being late for work or wondering if I left that candle burning. 

Nonetheless, we make it work, and somehow our opposite aspects attracted each other. I'm Leon's beacon of light in his dark life, teaching him warmth and love and safety in a world where he has to be cold and unforgiving in his line of work. He's my logic, reminding me of the stability and love I can receive back. Leon's more than capable for the things he's sent out to do, I've seen him in our home gym and attempted to spar him on multiple occasions, he's skilled and clever, he has an unwavering loyalty to the one's he loves and his country despite the toll it takes out on him, but that doesn't stop the worry and fear that consumes me when he disappears for weeks at a time, and I can never know what kind of danger he's in. 

Our relationship is a delicate one, filled with love but equally filled with uncertainty. I'm always left wondering if he'll come back to me, and Leon's always trying to protect me from the dangers of his job as well as being dutiful enough to his country. 

One evening I sit on our shared bed, sitting up against the headboard as Leon reads a book beside me. I chew my nail, mind overthinking as usual until Leon catches on to my mood. He closes the book, sitting up as I stare at the duvet, lost in my thoughts. I hear him exhale through his nose, then he finally breaks the silence. "You can stop pretending my life doesn't scare you." He confesses, voice thick with regret. "I know it gets to you more than you let on." 

My breath catches at his words as my heart aches, hearing the pain in his voice. I swallow, feeling a little guilty that I'm the cause of his worry as much as he is mine. I reach out, cupping Leon's cheek gently. "I'm just constantly terrified of losing you, I try to be strong but I love you too much to hold it back sometimes." I whisper as my thumb brushes his cheekbone, tears well up in my eyes as Leon looks at me, face softening at my response.

"I'm scared of losing you too," Leon murmurs as his hand closes over mine, "I'm too selfish to free you from myself, but I can't give up my job either, it's who I am, and there's more to it than I can tell you." I nod, already knowing there's classified information he's not allowed to tell me, I can gather he's being forced to work for the government, but that's all. 

"I know," I smile, a little amused how we're both so stupidly in love with each other, "I'll always be with you. Just promise me you'll always come back to me, no matter what." I whisper, throat closing up as Leon's brows dip in sympathy. He nods, then leans over to press his forehead to mine, a gesture that means so much between us. 

"I swear on my life," Leon vows, "I'll always come back to you Y/N. You're my hope in this world filled with doubt." 

After that conversation the days turned into weeks, which turned into months. Leon and I learnt how to cherish every moment we had together, in case it was the last. Despite promises and confessions the truth was neither of us had control over fate, and there was a very real chance that we could be torn away from each other within moments. We often shared quiet mornings together, sharing breakfasts or drinks as we chatted, after the slower more sensual sessions in bed of course. We cooked dinners together in our kitchen, working together in perfect harmony as we prepared meals that were made with love and happiness, and usually a lot of carbs since Leon had to maintain his energy, ready for a work call at any moment. 

"I love watching you cook," I say, wrapping my arms around Leon from behind as he chops up some vegetables, "you make it look so easy."

Leon grins, leaning back into me. "It's because I have the best sous chef." he teases, tilting his head to give me a quick kiss. 

In the evenings we often play games together, particularly Uno since card games are Leon's favourite. After we curl up on the sofa, bodies entangled together as we watch old movies that Leon likes, and the ones I enjoy. We whisper to each other, talking about the movie or just general things whilst sharing stolen kisses and smiles. 

"I wish we could stay like this forever." I sigh into the darkness, resting my head on Leon's chest.

"Me too," Leon replies, kissing the top of my head lovingly, "but you know we can't. Whenever we're together it will always be like this though, we'll always have fun and be here for each other."

Days later Leon was called for a job, and with a tearful goodbye I let him go. 

I now sit on the sofa, anxiously waiting for his return. I'd spent so many nights alone, and so many meals were bland and boring. The evenings drew long, and all I wanted was my Leon. Suddenly I hear the front door open, my heart skips a beat as I hold my breath, then Leon appears, looking a little tired, but as soon as his eyes find mine his face lights up and his arms open. 

I rush to him, wrapping my arms around him and burying my face into his chest. "Leon! You're back, I've missed you so much!" I exclaim, feeling whole again once more. Leon holds me tight as if needing me, his lips kissing my head as he breathes in my clean scent. 

"I missed you so much too Y/N." He whispers, voice filled with relief and love. I eventually pull away, searching him for any signs of injury, but Leon smiles and reassures me he's fine. "I'm okay, I made sure to come back in one piece for you." He jokes, kissing the top of my head, then suddenly he's picking me up, his hands under my thighs as he walks to the bathroom. 

"What are you doing?!" I laugh, holding onto him tightly as he grins and switches on the shower, then after taking his shoes off he steps under the water, with both of us still fully clothes. I squeal, giggling until there's tears in my eyes and my hair droops. 

"I've gotta take a shower, but I can't stand to be away from you any longer." He shrugs, a twinkle in his eye as his lips meet mine in a deep and searing kiss...