𝓛𝓮𝓸𝓷 𝓚𝓮𝓷𝓷𝓮𝓭𝔂| 𝗜𝗺𝗮𝗴𝗶𝗻𝗲𝘀 𝗕𝗼𝗼𝗸 𝟯

Waiting For Your Commitment| Request

I sit on my bed, mindlessly scrolling through my phone hoping some of the silly animal videos or updates from old school friends will bring me a smile or some sense of happiness, but they don't. I sigh, tossing the phone on the bed as I stare up at the ceiling, wondering why I'm still putting myself through this hell months after I began to feel this way. Being in love was supposed to be an experience that brought me joy, excitement and hope, instead Leon's done nothing but push and pull me away and make me wonder if he's really in as deep as I am. My heart aches as I swallow back tears, I've shed way too many over Leon on the nights he's slept in my bed but left by morning, I don't even know if we're together or just lovers with partial benefits. He's not always so distant, and maybe that's why I'm forcing myself to keep going with this charade of being okay with his actions towards me. It's a constant game of 'is he my boyfriend or not'. 

He'll arrange dates for us, giving me something to look forward to at the end of the week, but the day before he'll cancel, or give me some stupid excuse that I know is a lie. I figured that maybe he just wasn't as romantic as I initially thought, but then he'll do things like send me flowers or gifts that are definitely expensive or write me little love notes and hide them in our-my- apartment, I'd find them randomly and blush at the sexy compliment or sweet reminder that he's not as terrible as he's acting. But then he'll ignore my texts, reading but not responding. He'll send a simple thumbs up when I ask about his day, or just give me a one sentence reply, not even bothering to ask if I'm okay. 

I know he's had trouble in the past, but he won't tell me everything about it, and I can respect that, however the ghosts of his traumas and uncertainties are haunting his future, I can't keep this up much more, and Leon's soon going to loose another relationship because he can't commit for whatever reason. I want to blame him, and though logically it's easy to point the blame, I can't find it in me to be angry, honestly I'm proud of him for getting this far from the snippets of nightmares that plague him, but that doesn't stop the disappointment of hoping he'd come around and realise that I'm here with open arms yet he's refusing to grab my hand and let me pull him from under the surface of his pain. 

All of a sudden, disrupting my spiralling thoughts, there's a knock on the door. I get up, already knowing who it is. I pad to the door, opening it to find Leon leaning against the wall, eyes bloodshot and hazy, stillness next to none as he sways. "Hey sweetheart." He smiles, giving me a whiff of the alcohol on his breath. I purse my lips together, wanting to just slam the door in his face and give him a taste of his own medicine, but I don't. Instead I reach out and hug him, hating how he stiffens before relaxing into it. His lips press against my forehead as I let him in, but deep down I'm already wondering how long he's going to stay and when he'll walk out on me again. Leon slumps on the sofa, beckoning me over with that seductive smile that always has me bowing to him, but not tonight. Not after the realisation hits that I can't keep digging this hole for myself and expecting Leon to pull me out when he's stuck in it with me. 

"I don't think that's a good idea." I whisper thickly. Leon watches me, brows furrowing as he sits up straighter. He might be dumb at times when it comes to being a good boyfriend, but his observation skills are on par. I lick my lips, glancing away and at the floor. "I don't think any of this is a good idea, not when I'm constantly waiting for you to finally decide if you're with me or not."

Leon tilts his head in confusion, then stands, stumbling over to me as he grabs my shoulder. One calloused hand cups my cheek, wiping away a tear I didn't even know was falling. "What's going on? Please don't breakup with me baby." His voice cracks as he pleads. I turn my head, pulling away from his touch, but he holds me tight, and really I don't fight it. 

I shrug sadly, letting out a huff. "Why not? You haven't exactly made it clear that we're together for life, you're barely here nowadays, and you know deep down that spending time with me- without just fucking me and leaving in the morning- means more to me than expensive gifts and treats to bide your time." 

Leon shakes his head, hands shaking as his face falls. "No, I know that, I wasn't biding my time- Look that's not the point, I do want to be with you, fuck, you're everything to me-"

Anger rises within me. "Am I? Is that why you went out drinking instead of staying in and doing something with me? I can see you're drunk Leon, am I really that bad that you've got to down a few shots just to see me now?" A sob escapes me as my heart fractures, and I'm really fucking hoping that Leon will patch it up now before it shatters completely. 

His breathing becomes ragged as his fists clench, he steps back, running a hand through his hair as he paces. "I never meant to hurt you, I swear, I just....I don't want to mess this up, but it seems like I already have. God, baby I'm terrified of losing you, I've lost everyone. Everyone. If something happened to you, or I got too close and then you left me...I think it would kill me. I know I'm a selfish bastard, but you've got to believe me, I love you."

I know when he's lying. 

And everything he's just said is the truth. 

I nod, seeing the remorse on his face, but words don't fill the void. "I love you too, but I need you to show me, and I mean actually commit and be with me, I don't need to hear your deepest secrets but I need your trust and I need to know that you intent to be with me for the long run. You've fought for everything, and now it's time for you to fight for us. Will you do that?" I ask, giving him one final chance. Leon nods, getting to his knees and taking my hands as a rouge tear slips down his cheek. My lip wobbles as I get to my knees too, pulling him in for a hug as he buries his face into the crook of my neck. 

"I'll always fight for us, I'll do anything for you, I'm so sorry I've been pushing you away when I should've been holding you close. I swear I'm here now, I'm not going anywhere as long as you want me." I pull back, cupping his jaw and kissing him deeply. Now we've expressed our words and the conflict is over, I know Leon wants to be close. He always craves that physical touch that nobody else gives him, he seeks out comfort from me like right now, and I'm always happy to be the one to welcome him with open arms. 

Using his strength he stands whilst picking me up, but instead of taking us to the bedroom he walks into the bathroom, switching on the shower and stepping out of his shoes before walking us in. I gasp when his hands squeeze my ass, then he presses me against the wall under the shower spray as my clothes get soaked. Leon smiles, shrugging off his leather jacket as I moan and grind against the tent growing in his dark jeans. "Why are we in here?" I manage to breathe out as his lips attack my neck. 

"I wanted to be sober for this." He mumbles in reply. Rapidly our clothes disappear and Leon lifts me, impaling me onto his length as I cry out and let my nails mark his back. I'm sandwiched between his chest and the wall, boneless as he uses me, bouncing me on his cock and showing me his devotion. We kiss under the warm water, lips tangled and bodies colliding as he groans and thrusts into me. It's quick, desperate yet passionate. The sounds echo around the tiles as I tighten my legs around his waist, attempting to grind, but he isn't having it. Instead his fingers squeeze my hips as he lifts me higher, fully slamming me onto him with every movement now. It's over not long after it begun as I scream out, gushing over his cock as my juices run down the drain, then Leon sets me on my feet, quickly fisting himself before he spurts onto my stomach with a hoarse shout of my name. After we're both panting, but definetly made up. 

We then wash each other, taking it in turns to rinse and lather our bodies and hair, before getting out and drying each other. Leon already has clothes here so he slips into some pyjama pants as I put on something of my own, then we crawl into bed. "Soooo," I mumble as Leon rests his head on my stomach, body nestled between my legs as I toy with his dark strands, "do you live here now? Or are we together but living separate?" 

"I'm here, with you." He replies. 

I nod, smiling as I reach into the bedside table and pull out the spare key I had made for the apartment, it's on a keychain with a heart and our names engraved onto it, with the quote 'I'll always be here waiting for you'. I had it made when I suspected Leon had some commitment issues. Leon takes it from my fingers, lips parting as he gives me a watery smile, then he laughs, fisting it in his hand. 

"In that case I promise I'll always come back to you. I love you more than you could ever know." 

"I love you too roomie." I tease, earning a tickle from Leon, before we once again find ourselves tangled together.