You broke me for nothing...

Chapter 21

Chris pov...

"Where is she!" Tara says running up to me as i walk into the kitchen... Tyler is taking a sip of his coffee and gives me a nod... "In my car..." I say before i take a deep breath. Tara stops walking and looks at me confused... "Why is she in your car?" Tara asks looking at me as if i had grown an extra head... I sigh... 

"I am taking her home with me..." I say and Tara takes a step back... "You are taking her home...?! With you...?! To your house?!" She says and i nod... "Chris... You can't do that..." She sighs pinching the bridge of her nose... "You can't be serious...! This is not fair Chris!  How was i supposed to know she is a flight risk... She never left her room... Look, i get that her running off scared you..." She says and i shake my head... "It is not tha..." I start to say but she cuts me off...

"I have other thing to Chris... She was asleep... I thought i could sneak out for an hour... I promise you she is safe here..." Tara says and i nod... "I know... It is not your fau..." I start to say but again Tara cuts me off... 

"Chris... I dont think it is wise to take her with you... I dont think it is the best thing for her... Or you for that matter..." Tara says and i sigh... "Tara..." I say but once again she cuts me off... "What do you expect to happen Chris... She is mourning... You can't take advantage of that... She is not in the right headspace..." I try to interject but Tara won't let me speak and it is getting frustrating... "I mean... What do you expect to happen? That she is going to get over the past and fall into your arms and you both will live happily ever after... You can't take advantage of the circumstances..." She says and i feel myself getting frustrated even more...

When i try again she cuts me off again and i have had enough... "TARA!" I say raising my voice and i see Tyler stand up ready to intervene... "Can you let me explain now?" I ask taking a deep breath and calming myself down... She looks at me crossing her arms in front of her... She is giving me that defying look... 

"Tara i have no ill intentions... I just want her to be where she is most comfortable... Is that at my place? I dont know... But what i do know is that she says she can't be here... It is not personal... She loves you and she feels terrible for thinking like this... But she says she can't breathe here... That hearing your kids running around... Laughing... Being happy... As it is supposed to be... It is just too much... She is not only grieving her baby... She is grieving the life she thought she would have... Having a family... She is grieving the fact that she will never see her baby grow up and run around... She loves your kids... You know that and she feels guilty for feeling this way..." I say and Tara looks at me with big eyes...

"She said all that...?" She says in a small voice and Tyler stands up and puts his arm around Tara as she is getting emotional... "She talked a little bit... She feels guilty... She thinks it is her fault that she lost the baby..." I say and Tara's eyes grow bigger... "It is not..." Tara says under her breath and i nod... "I know... You know... We all know... But right now, it does not feel like that to her..." I say and Tara starts to cry... Tyler comforts her... 

"Tara... I am not going to lie... I love her... You know i do... Would i die for another chance with her... Yes... Is this a way to get that chance... No... I have no illusions that what i did was unforgivable... But i failed her once... I left her once when she needed me most... I can't do that again... I just want to help her through this... Even if this means that she will move on from me... If that will make her happy i am fine with that..." I say and Tara groans...

"No, you're not... You are only setting yourself up for heartbreak... This is not going to end well Chris..." She says and i sigh... "Tara... I have no expectations..." I say but she shakes her head... "This is a mistake... I know it is... But i can't keep her here... I can't send my kids away... I can understand it is too hard to stay here... But i dont think it is a solution to be staying with you... But she is a grown woman... Even if she is not thinking straight right now... If she is willing to go with you voluntarily i won't stop her... Just remember she is not herself right now... Right now, the grief of her baby overshadows the hurt and pain you caused her... When she will become herself again, she will remember the past and i just dont want either one of you to get hurt... I love you both..." Tara says and i nod... "I know... But i owe her... I can't fail her again even if it is going to hurt me..." I say, meaning every word... I would sacrifice my own happiness for hers... 

Tara sighs... "Well at least she is talking... That is something..." She mumbles and pulls out of Tyler's hug... "I will pack her stuff..." Tara says and walks off... Tyler and i look at each other... "Just say it..." I say letting out a deep breath, but he shakes his head... "What is there to say... You found her... She talked to you... That is massive... She has barely spoken since waking up in the hospital... Does Tara have a point... Maybe... But people change... Grow... Life happens... I dont think that you both ever stopped loving each other... You both were just young... But she has a point in one thing... Right now, Kate's grief is overshadowing everything... Just keep that in mind... Dont think this is going to fix everything between the two of you... It could but i think that it takes a lot of work and talking... She does not owe you forgiveness for the past just because you are helping her now..." He says and i nod... "I know... She does not owe me a thing... But i have to do this..." I say and he nods...

"Just take good care of her... I hope it works out... But when it does not work... Let her go..." He says and i nod... "I will..." I say and Tara walks in with a duffle bag... "It is not much..." She says handing me the bag... I sigh and nod... I give her a big hug... "Just take care of yourself... And Kate... I love you both... I dont want to see either one of you hurt... Call if you need anything and keep me updated..." Tara says and i know she is fighting her emotions...

"I will... I love you to... Kate loves you..." I say and we pull out of the hug... "I know... I am not taking it personal... Please tell her that... I hope she can heal at your place... I really do..." She says and kisses my cheek... 

I say goodbye to the kids who were in the game room playing video games and after hugging Tyler and Tara again i make my way back to the car... I smile as i see that Kate is asleep... Dodger is asleep on the backseat... He wakes up when i open the back door to put her bag in the car... Kate wakes up to looking around her dazed... I walk around the car and get in... "Okay... Tara says to call when you need something and that she does not hate you and understands..." I say giving Kate a soft smile before starting the car and driving off... Kate does not answer... She just looks out the window as i drive away...