You broke me for nothing...

Chapter 52

Kate pov...

It has been a week... A whole week... I haven't told Chris. I would come up with excuses every day... He is tired, he is stressed, busy or it would be too distracting from his work... The truth is that i was chickening out every time... I was scared. I could not find the words. Every time i was telling myself i would tell him i just shut down... 

I think he starts to suspect something is wrong and i dont  know how much longer i can keep this from him... Gosh that sounds terrible... It is not that i want to keep it a secret but i just can't seem to get the words out of my mouth... 

He keeps looking at me, giving me weird looks and i dont know if i was imagining it yesterday but i swear he was staring at my boobs... They are sensitive and i notice my bras are getting more uncomfortable. I am tired a lot and can sleep all day every day... The other thing is that the foods i used to love, now hate and i think that Chris begins to notice this... Or maybe i am just paranoid. Maybe me feeling guilty is messing with my mind... Because i do feel guilty, i feel scared and i know that he does not deserve this... 

The other thing is that i need to go to a doctor... If i could avoid it, i would... The last thing i want is to visit a doctor again. But i need to know if my baby is okay... I need to know how far i am along.  I need to know how i can make sure that the baby is happy and healthy. Of course, i know things from being pregnant with Simon but this is a different baby... My body had been through a lot and i need to know if there are risks and what i can do to minimize the risks... 

I knew i could not hold off on telling Chris much longer. But the longer i waited the harder it became... I had made a plan... I looked up hotels so i could leave when he would flip out... I secretly packed a go bag... Just in case, so i could leave immediately... I looked into flights back to Boston. Worst case scenario i was going to stay at the house, although i did not want to go back there... It became clear i needed to sell it so i could rent another place in case it was needed. So, i had called a lawyer and asked him to look into the steps to sell the house seeing at it was still in both mine and Elliots name... 

I look up from my book and smile as the door of the trailer opens and Chris steps in with Seb in tow... Dodger jumps up and runs over to them and they both give him some attention. "Is it lunch time already?" I ask and Chris looks up and smiles nodding... He stands up walks over to me and kisses me... "Are you ready to go to lunch?" He asks and i nod... "Hey Sebby..." I say waving as he is still fawning over Dodger. "Hey Doll..." He says and put my book away and stand up. But as soon as i do i feel lightheaded and sit back down... 

"Wow, wow, wow... You, okay?" Chris says and i turn bright red... "Yeah, stood up to fast..." I stutter and Chris feels my forehead. "You dont have a fever..." He says and i shake my head... "I am not sick..." I whisper and slowly stand back up... "I just need to eat something..." I whisper knowing i had thrown up all morning... Everything that had gone in had come out again... 

I was pretty sure everything i would eat during lunch would also end up coming up again. I still managed to hide that fact from Chris. It was not hard. He was busy and when he was working completely focused on his work. 

We walk out the trailer. I smile as Chris his hand is wrapped around mine. Seb has Dodger... We walk into the catering tent and immediately a foul smell hits me like a ton of bricks. I curse internally as Chris does not seem to notice and walks us over to the food... I manage to pull myself together but as i look at all the food i feel nauseas... Chris takes to plates and asks me what i want... I look around... Nothing appeals to me... "Just some fruit..." I whisper and he looks at me funny... "Sweetheart... You need to eat..." He says and i blush... "Okay... Some pancakes then..." I say thinking it is my best bet... Chris smiles and puts something on my plate... I look at Seb who is piling all different types of food on his plate. This is going to be a problem as i see that he puts on his plate what smells so bad to me... I take a sip of water trying my best to keep my nausea at bay... 

Chris gets some food, and we sit down to eat... I force myself to eat and the nausea gets a little better. I guess the lack of food in my stomach was not helping with the nausea... I remember when i was pregnant with my little boy that my morning sickness was so bad that the doctor had said if it would not get better soon, we would have to see what the options were. This time it is not as bad though... Yes, i have morning sickness, but with my previous pregnancy i could not keep food down at all... At least this time i manage to be able to eat in the evening... 

I listen to Chris and Seb talking about movie stuff... It is nice... I love to hear them talk... I manage to finish almost all of my food. I lean against Chris and close my eyes... I can feel Chris plant a kiss on my forehead, and this makes me smile... "Sweetheart..." He whispers and i open my eyes. 

"I will send someone from the first aid by to check you over... I think you might come down with something..." He whispers and i turn bright red... "I am fine..." I whisper but Chris shakes his head... "No sweetheart... This is non-negotiable..." He says in a tone that i know it is no use arguing... "Fine... If you want to waste their time, by all means..." I say and yawn... 

"Just for my piece of mind..." He says and i sigh... "Okay..." I mumble. God i am so tired... "Okay... Let's go..." Chris says and i open my eyes... I look across of us and Seb looks worried to... Chris walks me back to the trailer. His arm protectively wrapped around me... He walks me into the trailer and sits me down on the couch. "I will go and get the first aid people..." He says but as he wants to walk away i grab his arm...

"Please dont..."I whisper, and he sighs... "Sweetheart..." He groans and i shake my head and pat the couch next to me... I had not planned on doing it here... But i dont think i can hold off anymore... "I need to tell you something..." I whisper so soft that it is almost inaudible... "Please?" I say and pat the couch again... Chris hesitates but sits down...