You broke me for nothing...

Chapter 36

Chris pov...

Well that just happened... I say to myself in my head as i am coming back to reality... The last thing i had expected falling asleep with her in my arms was this... We are still connected as we lay in bed coming down from this amazing high... 

"Are you okay?" I whisper after a while planting a kiss in her neck and she hums with a smile on her face... "I am okay..." She whispers back and i smile... "Are you?" She whispers back and i chuckle... "Sweetheart... I am more than okay..." I whisper back and she giggles... God i love that sound... So, i hug her closer and she pulls my arms tighter around her and kisses my hand... 

"OMG DODGER!" She yells all of a sudden giving me a mini heart attack and she breaks our connection...  "Dodger?" I ask and she lifts her head... I laugh as i get what she means... "Dont worry he sneaked out..." I say smirking and she lays back down getting comfortable cuddling back into me... "Good..." She mumbles and i chuckle and plant a kiss on her shoulder... "Relax sweetheart..." I mumble and she sighs... "I dont want to traumatize him..." She mumbles and i smirk... I love how she cares for him... I love how he cares for her... She has a bond with him that no one beside me and my family has ever had...

We lay here for a while just perfectly content... I cant stop smiling as she plays with my fingers... She has not changed... She loves the simple things... She is just perfectly content staying in bed... How have i ever been able to give this up... God i was dumb and foolish... But this time... This time i was going to do everything in my power to keep her... She is mine... I am hers... Forever, no matter what...

An idea pops in my head... "You wanna take a bath... I have this enormous tub..." I whisper and kiss her shoulder again... I notice she freezes up and says nothing... "Kate...?" I whisper and she hums... "You dont like long baths anymore?" I ask remembering a time we had a little get away in a hotel with a tub and her not leaving it for hours... "I do..." She sighs and i see she is blushing... "Okay... So do you want to...?" I ask and she sighs again... "Kate...? You can say no, if you dont want to..." I whisper and she sighs again and i get a little worried...

"It is not that i dont want to..." She mumbles and i can see something is up... "Okay... Then what is wrong, sweetheart?" I whisper and plant another kiss on her shoulder... She says nothing for a while. "Nice warm water... Relaxing... Bubbles..." I whisper planting a kiss in her neck and she sighs... "My scars... Stretchmarks... Cellulite... In harsh bathroom lighting..." She whispers softly sounding so insecure... "Oh sweetheart... You are beautiful... I dont care about all that... To me you are the most beautiful woman ever..." I whisper and she lets out a deep sigh... 

An idea pops into my head and i reluctantly let Kate go... "I have an idea..." I say and get out of bed and walk into the bathroom... I really meant it... To me it does not matter... But i can understand she is still a little insecure and not totally comfortable around me... She has been through a lot physically and mentally... I start the bath and walk out of the bedroom towards the living room in the hunt for a few candles... I find some and walk back to the bathroom putting just two out making it just light enough to see what you are doing and nothing more... Just enough light to not bump into everything... I put some bubble bath in the tub making sure there are enough foam to make sure you can hide... I grab one of my robes and walk back into the bedroom smiling... 

I walk to the bed and sit down on the edge. I lean down and give her a little kiss... "I have a robe here... I lit a few candles so there is just enough light so you dont break your neck... There are bubbles to hide, even if you dont have to for me...  I will get in the bath and when you ready... If you are ready... You are welcome to join... If you are not... That is fine to... I promise i will close my eyes until you are covered in bubbles... She looks at me with tears in her eyes... She sits up and puts her hands on my face and kisses me... I smile into the kiss and when we break apart i stand up... "Take your time, sweetheart..." I whisper as i bend down and giver her one quick kiss....

I walk into the bathroom, get undressed and get in the water... Now we wait... Minutes feel like hours but then the door opens and a shy looking Kate walks in... She looks adorable in my robe as the bedroom lights light her up... She closes the door and hesitates for a second... I close my eyes and put my hands over them... I resist the urge to peak knowing i promised to not look... I can hear her move around... A few seconds later i feel her step between my legs... I can't resist a smile as i feel her sit down between my legs and with my free arm i pull her against me... 

She tenses up for a second and i am scared i have hurt her... But she quickly relaxes and leans against my chest... I can feel her move and i know she is moving the bubbles... It makes me smile... It is a small but important victory... I feel on top of the world... She trusts me enough to do this and i know it might seem silly... But to me it is everything... "You can open your eyes..." She whispers and i smile and lower my hand, opening my eyes... I plant a kiss on her shoulder before wrapping my arms around her and lay back in the tub... 

She relaxes more and lets out a little sigh... "This is nice... Thank you..." She whispers taking my hand and kissing it... "Anything for you, sweetheart..." I hum and she kisses my hand again... "I just hate the scar... It looks terrible..." She whispers and i kiss her in her neck... "It will get better, sweetheart... It will fade over time..." I hum and she sighs... "I guess..." She mumbles and i smile... "Even if it does not... You are beautiful..." I hum. 

Kate says nothing but i know she is struggling to keep it together... "It is okay to cry, sweetheart... Just let it out..." I whisper and she shakes her head... "I had a dream..." She whispers... "A dream?" I ask and she nods... "I saw my dad... There was a little boy... My little boy... I know i sound crazy... But it seemed so real... He was not a baby... But a little boy... 7 or 8 years old... He was so beautiful..." She whispers and i smile... "Just like his momma..." I whisper and i hear her let out a small sob... "They told me not to cry anymore... That they were happy... That they were together..." She whispers sounding so sad and broken.... But under the sadness is a little sliver of acceptance... I think... 

"It felt so real..." She says softly sobbing... I wrap my arms around her and hold her tightly against me as she cries softly... "It sounds like a wonderful dream, sweetheart... I really think they are together... That they are at peace and happy... I think they want you to be happy to..." I whisper and she wipes her tears... "I know... It is just hard... I am so confused at the moment... This feels so good... This feels nice... I sometimes feel happy... But that makes me feel guilty at the same time..." She whispers and i take in a deep breath... "I think that is normal sweetheart... It is part of the grieving process... But you deserve to be happy..." I mumble and she nods... "I am sorry... I am a mess..." She says wiping her tears again... "Dont be sorry... I am here... I am not leaving... You can cry all you want... Grief all you want... You dont ever have to say sorry for that..." I whisper and she relaxes back into me... 

Not another word is said as we just relax and enjoy the hot water... Just us... That is all that matters...