You broke me for nothing...

Chapter 26

Chris pov...

We have had breakfast together... I couldn't help but feel a sense of victory as she cleared her plate... I got the idea she is doing a little better... She talks a little to me... We had the little moment about our first apartment which was a little bit strange... Not strange bad... But strange, good... If that makes sense... Although after that i felt her pull back again... 

I pushed the anxiety i had about it back as i did not want her to feel uncomfortable... I just wanted to keep it calm and relaxing for her, no stress, no pressure. Yes, she was doing better... Not being in bed, the whole day. I think it is because there are no other people here... Just me and Dodger and we are pretty relaxed ourselves... That is my goal... To keep her relaxed and comfortable... So, she can process and grief... So, she can do it at her own pace without the chaos of family life around her... In a calm and comfortable environment... She seemed to enjoy that about my home... 

What also made me really happy was the fact that she seemed to love Dodger and Dodger seems to love her... He follows her around everywhere and she seemed to really respond positive to it... He even made her laugh last night... Full on laugh and i swear it was the most beautiful sound ever... 

When i woke up this morning and found her bedroom door open but Dodger and Kate not there, i panicked for a split second... But to see her enjoy the sunrise while Dodger was running around was a sight for sore eyes... For a moment i had fantasized about a life like this... Kate here, forever... Like it should be, if i had not fucked up in the past. But i quickly had pushed that little fantasy out of my head... I needed to keep a clear head and focus on her needs... And what she needs is for me to be there for her... No hidden agenda... As friends...

Part of me knows i am setting myself for disaster... The day she will leave will be the day my heart will break... But i think i deserve it... I broke her heart so many years ago... So now it is time for her to break mine, sort of speak... I am fine with it if she will come out of this on top... Happy... That is all i want for her... To be happy... And i mean it... I will sacrifice my heart for her if that is what is needed... 

I have to admit having her here makes me realize how much i still love her... I hate myself for fucking up the best thing i have ever had in life... No amount of success in life compares to this... If i could do it all over again i would... I know i can't... But i wish i could... I even realize now that if the hospital had not made a mistake and she had really been sick... I would not leave her again...  Any time with her would be better than no time with her... I was just too young, selfish and foolish to realize back then...

Seeing her walk around in my clothes, wearing my fleece jacket... Cuddled up under the blankets with Dodger... God it was beautiful torture... I have to admit i dreamed about her last night... We were cuddled up in bed with Dodger... Nothing more... Just Kate, Dodger and i... Comfortable and happy cuddled up... Just being lazy... Together...

"Chris...?" I hear and i snap out of my thoughts as Kate is waving her hand in front of my face... "Yeah?" I say and she looks worried so i put on a smile... "Everything okay...? You were far away..." I smile even more... "I am good..." I say and she seems not to believe me but lets it go... "Do you mind?" She asks and i have to admit i dont know what she was talking about... "Do i mind what?" I ask... "For me to grab a change of clothes from your closet... I thought of taking a bath..." She says blushing...

"I dont mind... You can take anything you want..." I say and she nods and jumps off the chair... "Are you sure you are okay?" She asks putting her hand on my arm... I can feel the warmth of her touch and i nod... "Of course..." I say plastering a fake smile on my face... She puts her plate in the sink and walks off with of course Dodger in tow... 

I let out a deep sigh as she has left the room. I need to pull myself together... This is about her... Not about me. I get up and clean up the kitchen... I walk into my bedroom as i want to take a shower myself... I want to grab some clothes for myself and notice my favorite hoodie missing... I groan... Not because i dont want her to wear it but i know i am going to like seeing her in it... "Stop it..." I scold myself... I am only making it harder on myself... 

After my shower Kate is still not back and i quickly peak into her bedroom to see if she maybe had gone back to bed. She hasn't and i dont see Dodger anywhere... All of a sudden i hear a soft giggle that makes me smile... I walk to my office, answer some emails and sigh as my team had mailed me over the script i had to read. I hadn't read it... I just had told them yesterday i was not interested. Now that Kate was here, i did not want to leave for 3 months... I groan as they have upped the offer and really want me to reconsider... I ignore the email... I dont want to deal with that drama today... They dont know why i won't take it... It is an insane amount of money and i know they will tell me i am crazy... What i read from the script was good and it was definitely a golden opportunity, but Kate is my main focus right now... She is more important... 

All of a sudden Dodger comes zooming in... I slap my hand in front of my face as i can see he has been wet... He has been dried off but still is damp... The idiot has probably been in the bath with Kate... He loves that kind of things...

I walk out of my office and find Kate in the kitchen and i decide it is time for a tour... "Okay tour time..." I say as i walk in and she hesitantly nods... "Did Dodger have a bath to?" I ask as she follows me out of the kitchen, and she nods smiling... "He jumped in himself..." She says and i chuckle... "Okay... First stop... Gym..." I say as i wanted to show her this knowing she used to like working out...