You broke me for nothing...

Chapter 37

Chris pov...

Today is going to be a tough day... After some delays the headstone will be placed today... It had given me a headache, as the first stone had a spelling error. It was ridiculous and so stupid. I didn't care what it would cost me, but it would be changed... I can't believe they put Simone instead of Simon on the headstone... Idiots... Thank God Kate had not gotten wind of it... I didn't want it to hurt or worry her... So, i had been dealing with it while she was napping... The revealing of the headstone would be hard enough on her...  

She is getting ready right now... Other than our walks it will be the first time we are leaving the house... Everything we needed we just had delivered, or someone would go out and get it for us... I had asked Kate if she wanted other people there, but she was adamant that she rather it be only us... She was not up for seeing other people yet... She talked with Tara over the phone every now and then... They texted a little, but she was not up for visitors and people respected that... Even if they didnt i would go scorched earth on them if they were going to overstep her boundaries.... Tara was still skeptical about Kate staying here but could see it did her good and that changed her tune a little bit... But we had not told anyone about us two... We had discussed it, but agreed that we first wanted to figure it out just the two of us without input of others...

Kate was more emotional than the last couple of days, which was completely understandable... But overall, she was doing better... We were doing better... Taking it day by day like she had asked... She had moved from the guestroom to my room... I love it... I love falling asleep and waking up with her while holding her in my arms... I love going to bed together... We did not have sex again, but that is okay... We did a lot of other stuff... Kate was always an affectioned person and i was happy that that had not changed... She loves to cuddle, kiss and if that was all she was ready for right now that was okay... I am not complaining, i love clingy Kate... We talk a lot... About the past, the present and even the future... We have serious talks, laugh and cry together... It is awesome... It feels natural and in no way forced...

It made me sure of one thing... Kate is it for me... We have a long way to go... She is grieving and thinking about her future... But i know one thing... I am going to be in it... I will do everything to be in it... I do not ever want to be without her anymore... I feel whole again... I know there is still a chance it won't work out... But i am positively hopeful for the future... Because this time i won't fuck up... I am well aware that it is my fault that we have lost so much time together and i will forever be grateful that she forgave me for my stupidity... I never imagined that she ever would...

It is so surreal sometimes... Every night she falls asleep before me and i watch her sleep... I watch her sleep because part of me can't believe she is sleeping next to me again... She gets more comfortable around me... We take baths together and i still do the whole candle and bubbles thing... She still is insecure about her body and that is sad because to me she is the most beautiful woman ever... But i can understand it... She has been through so much... It will take time to be comfortable in her own skin again... But the fact she puts her trust in me makes me feel on top of the world... 

I look at the time and sigh... We are not in a rush... But Kate has been in the bedroom for a while now... She had ordered some clothes online a few days ago as she only had indoor clothes... sweats mostly... Maybe we should get her some of her stuff from her place... I dont know if she wants that though... She has not once mentioned her stuff... She had not once mentioned her house, other than that she does not want to go back there... 

I walk to the bedroom and knock on the door waiting for her to tell me to come in... I smile as she does, and Dodger is laying on the bed keeping her company... "Is this, okay?" She asks and i smile and nod... "You look beautiful..." I say and she blushes... "How are you feeling?" I ask and she sighs... "A little anxious about visiting his grave... Scared that i will break down seeing his name on a stone... It will make it all real... If that makes sense... I know it is real now to... I just... I dont know... My emotions are all over the place..." She whispers and i walk up to her and pull her in my arms... I kiss her and after our kiss he lays her head on my chest... 

"I got you, sweetheart... It is okay to breakdown... I got you... It is completely understandable..." I whisper and she sighs... "Will this pain ever go away..." She mumbles and i take in a deep breath... "I dont know, sweetheart... I dont think so... It will become less... But i dont think it ever will go away... But i think you will give it a place and hold him in your heart forever... You are so strong..." I whisper and she hums... "Thank you..." She says and i smile... "No thanks needed, sweetheart..." I hum back and she looks up... "Yes, it is... You have been wonderful and i really appreciate it... I want you to know that..." She says and i blush... 

"Anything for you, sweetheart..." I whisper and we kiss again... "Are you ready to go?" I ask and she nods... "Only have to put on my shoes..." She mumbles and i nod... I smile and sit her down on the bed before taking the box with her shoes... I take the shoes out and kneel in front of her... She blushes as i put her shoes on... I look up and smile at her... I love taking care of her... She just watches me tie her shoes not saying a word... When i am done she sighs... "Can we take Dodger with us?" She asks her voice small and i smile and nod... "If that is what you want, yes we can take him..." I say and she gives me a short nod... "Yes please..." She says and i smile and look beside her... 

"Time to go bud..." I say and Dodger perks up and jumps off the bed... I stand up and help Kate up... "We are in no rush... We can take our time..." I say and she nods... "I mean it Kate... Even if we have to be there all day and wait until you are ready..." I say and she gives me a little pained smile... "Thank you..." She whispers and she takes my hand... "I am ready..." She says and we walk to the car...