You broke me for nothing...

Chapter 10

Chris pov...

I look around ma's yard.  She is throwing a big barbeque for friends and family. She loves to throw this kind of get togethers, with lots of people and lots of food. Ma just loves to host... My sister's and brother are here with their families or partners... Some aunts and uncles, nieces and nephews, cousins... Some of our longtime friends... This includes Tara... I haven't spoken to her since our falling out over Kate. Well since i stormed out after yelling at her... I know i should apologize... I just wait for the perfect moment...

Everyone seems to have fun like usual... Normally i love these kinds of things to. Normally i am the life of the party, mingling and catching up with everyone. Especially when i just got back from filming... But today i dont feel like catching up... 

I watch Tara for a while... She is laughing with Carly. I want to ask her if she has heard anything from Kate... I want to ask her how Kate is doing but i can't. I can't ask that, because i do not have any right to know how Kate is doing... I dont have a right to know anything about her... I lost that right the moment i decided to walk out of her life.... Besides that, Tara and i are not really on the best of terms right now... I have been an ass to Tara which she did not deserve... She had always been Kate's friend and now that i could look at it from her perspective, i understood why she never told me she was still in contact with Kate... 

Carly gets up to wrangle the kids who are running to close to the food table. I sigh as Tara is now sitting alone... This is my chance. I stand up and walk over to her... "May i?" I ask pointing to the chair beside her, and she looks up at me... "That depends... Are you going to yell at me again?" Tara asks and i shake my head and sigh... "No..." I mumble and she takes in a deep breath. "Then yes, you may..." She says and i sit down... 

"Tara... I am sorry for blowing up at you... You did not deserve that..." I blurt out and she takes a sip of her drink... "No... I didn't..." She says giving me a stone-cold look and i sigh... "I am having trouble dealing with everything... It is not an excuse... But i dont know how to handle all these confusing feelings about the whole Kate thing..." I say and she sighs. 

"Chris... I dont get it... You left her... You left her when she needed you the most and you did not seem to look back even once... You asked her to marry you, only to leave her at the first bump in the road... Why are you all of a sudden so obsessed with her... I mean... The hospital might have made a mistake but as far as you knew you left her to die alone... Do your really think she will ever forgive you for that... What do you expect from her... That she is going to break off her engagement and run back into your arms... Chris... This is real life... Not one of your movies..." Tara says and i sigh and shake my head... 

"I dont know what i expected... But seeing her... Pregnant... Engaged... I dont know... It hurts... It could have been me, if i had not been such a coward... If i had not been so selfish. It just hit me in the face like a ton of bricks... I let the best thing in my life go..." I say and Tara sighs... 

"Yes... You did..." Tara says and i look at her... "Is she happy?" I ask Tara and Tara takes in a deep breath... "I think so..." Tara says but there is something in her voice... Doubt... "You think so?" I ask and Tara rolls her eyes. "Dont get any idea's Chris... You have done enough damage... Leave her alone..." Tara says. I groan and lean back in the chair... "Chris... Look at me..." Tara says her voice stern and i look at her... "Leave... Her... Alone... You have done enough damage..." Tara says with a look on her face that tells me not to mess with her... I just nod... We sit there in silence for a second or two...

"Are we okay?" I ask breaking the silence and Tara chuckles... "That depends..." She says and i smirk... "On what?" I say and she looks at me... "Tyler and i want to have date night tomorrow but our babysitter canceled..." Tara says and i laugh... "Tell me the time and i will be there to watch the kids..." I say and Tara chuckles... 

"Well then we are good..." Tara says and i chuckle... The rest of the party is going by and i manage to have a little bit of fun. It was hard not to think about Kate.... She is still on my mind but i have to let her go... I needed to let go of the idea of Kate... She is engaged, pregnant and happy... Although Tara did not seem to be convinced about that... Or maybe i am trying to hear things that are not there... But still, she did not deserve me putting her life upside down again... No matter what she was going to have a baby... Last thing she needs is me stressing her out... 

The next day i make my way to Tara to watch her kids, so she and Tyler can have a date night... Her kids are amazing so it will be a fun evening. I brought some games and pizza. I hug Tyler as he lets me in and i we walk to the kitchen were i put all my stuff down... We catch up for a bit until Tara appears and they leave... 

I eat pizza with the kids, and we play some boardgames. For the first time i feel relaxed. These kids are just the distraction i need. I had told Tara and Tyler to take their time. I had nowhere to be, and they deserve some alone time. Besides i was having fun with the kids... 

We watch a movie and i smile as halfway through they had fallen asleep... I carry them each to bed and make my way back down. I start to clean up, so Tara and Tyler won't come back in a mess... All of a sudden, the doorbell rings and i chuckle... Of course, they forgot their keys... I walk to the front door and pull it open in one swift move... "Forgot your keys... again..." I say smiling... But my smile quickly disappears and i feel my breath hitch in my throat... Standing on the doorstep is not Tara and Tyler... It is Kate...