You broke me for nothing...

Chapter 17

Chris pov...

I am sitting at home... It has been 3 days since the funeral.  It was emotional... But i think i did good... I think it was good for Kate... Next week the headstone would be placed... Kate seemed to have noticed i had made the arrangements as she thanked me... Not in words but she mouthed it at me when it was all over... It was nothing... I would move heaven and earth for her... It was the least i could do... I know it sounds selfish but i was happy there was something i could do...

It was hard seeing her. She looked so broken, so... Empty... She had this blank stare... The fire she once had was gone... I wish there was anything i or anyone could do to give her that fire back... Even if it was the fire, she had in that parking lot when i saw her again for the first time...  It was like she was just a shell of her former self... Like her soul had gone to... It was hard because i had told myself to keep my distance... The urge to walk over to her and just hold her as she cried was immense... But she had my mom and Tara... She let my mom and Tara close and that reassured me a little bit... 

But i was worried... I hadn't told anyone but i think i saw her say, i see you soon. I was not sure... It looked like she said that... I hadn't heard it... I was debating on telling Tara... But i did not want to overstep. What if i saw wrong and she would hate me even more for spying and sticking my nose were it doesn't belong... But what if she is serious... What is she does something stupid... I would never forgive myself if i did not say something and she does something to herself... 

I get that she is in pain... I know she wanted to be a mother more than anything in life... She always has... She wouldn't do something crazy right? Besides... She is with Tara and Tara is keeping an eye on her... I sigh and try to focus on a script that i have promised to read... 

It is no use... My mind keeps wondering and after starting to read the page for the hundredth time i give up and throw it aside... I text Tara asking how Kate is doing... I think i am driving her crazy as i do this often. Tara is keeping me updated but it is always the same... Kate is in bed... Kate avoids being around people and she does not talk... 

But as i am not getting an answer from Tara i get worried... Would it be wrong to go over there... Would it be too much to check in in person... I look at Dodger sleeping next to me on the couch and smile... Kate has never met Dodger and i know she likes dogs... Maybe Dodger is just what she needs... Some dog cuddles. I know Dodger would love her... He would pick up on her sadness right away and would try and comfort her... 

My phone dings and it is Tara telling me that there is no change... I sigh... Well at least it is not bad news... No change is good right... Or should Kate improve by now... No there is no time set for grief... Expecting her to get over it by now is wrong... I just wish i could take her pain away. 

I text her back if it would be okay to come visit... That i could bring Dodger, that maybe Dodger could cheer her up... Tara answers pretty quickly and i sigh as she tells me she does not know maybe it could help but for now it might not be the best thing... That she does not know what to do anymore as Kate is catatonic nothing had changed in that regard... She does not speak. She does not do anything, and it is hard to get her to eat or drink...

This, with what i think i saw Kate say worries me... In the end i agree with Tara to wait a little longer to visit... Although i want to go over, i refrain myself... I just wanted to be close just in case i could do something but maybe my presence would do more harm than good... 

I sigh as i sink back into the couch... I am restless... So, i do what i always do in these situations and go for a hike with Dodger... This is the way i spent the next couple of days... Hiking with Dodger just to not go crazy and drive over to Tara's... I keep in contact with Tara but still nothing changes... 

I am sitting at home once again trying to read the script. I needed to read it as the deadline was getting closer. I needed to decide if i wanted the role or not. Part of me does not want it because it meant i would be gone for a few months... I would have to leave in 3 months to the middle of nowhere... I know i am ridiculous because it is not like i am actively helping Kate right now. But being away at the other side of the country means i can't be there when she might need me... Part of me just wants to take more time off and stay close... Especially because they haven't found the scumbag yet... 

He seems to have vanished... There is no doubt about his guilt anymore... There is an arrest warrant out for him. He hasn't shown up at their house. Police is keeping an eye on their house just in case he shows up. The same goes with his job... He has not shown back up again. No one seems to know where he is. He has not flown out but there is no way to tell if he is still in Boston... Who knows where he has gone... From what i understood he has not used his credit cards... He just went up in smoke... It is driving me crazy. I want him locked up for what he did to Kate... To their baby... God i want him dead... I just want a few minutes with him... Just him and i in a room with no way out... To see if he is still a tough guy when he has someone across from him that is able to hit back... 

My phone rings. I see it is Tara and i immediately answer... She never calls... We always text... "Chris?" She says and she sounds panicked making my alarm bells go off... "Everything okay?" I say sitting up, my hair is standing up in the back of my neck. "Have you heard from Kate... Please tell me she is with you..." Tara says sounding out of breath and in a panic... "What... What is going on... No... No... she is not with me... I... I haven't heard from her... Tara... Why are you calling me... Tara is this is a joke... it is not funny..." I say standing up and i start to pace up and down my living room... 

"Chris it is no joke... I would never joke about something like this... We can't find her... I went to the store... I was gone for maybe an hour... When i came back i wanted to bring her something to eat and she was not in her room... She is gone... Her phone is still here... Her stuff it is still here..."