5SOS Imagines

I Miss You [Calum]

Where are you and I'm so sorry
I cannot sleep I cannot dream tonight

How long had Calum been on tour for now? 4 months exactly today. You'd been restlessly counting down the days until he returned home, but that wasn't four another 2 months. The distance was soul-destroying. He'd kept in regular contacts via facetime 2 times a week, almost constant texts and the odd voicemail. Voicemails because the timezones were messed up, and you tried your best to stay awake for his call but you couldn't do it. No matter how many cups of coffee you consumed; nothing was keeping you awake. There wasn't once when he didn't remind you that he loved you. Every day got harder, though, and these adorable sentiments weren't working anymore. The distance between you was too far to ignore.

For about two weeks now, you'd struggled to get a wink of sleep. For the first time ever you even answered one of his calls at 3am, and he was surprised to say the least.

"Y/N? You're still awake isn't it like... 2am there?" His voice sounded a little hoarse, as if he'd just woken up which was most likely. Honestly, you could barely keep up with where they were touring anymore. You'd managed to keep up with it for the first couple of months, but they got to America and that was when you were lost on their map.

"3am, but yeah, I'm as awake as I'll ever be." You came across sort of grumpy, well, you were in essence. There was no big goon lying beside you and lulling you to sleep with his singing. His arm wasn't cuddling you protectively and keeping you warm. You were completely and utterly alone.

"Are you ok, baby? I don't like hearing you this way. I love you." There it was, the 'I love you', the one phrase that tore you in two. You didn't notice you were crying until your eyes were too foggy to see out of.

"I can't do this right now, Calum. I'm so sorry." You cut him off, unable to bare the agony of being so close but so far from him all at once.

Continuously for the next few hours your phone buzzed on your bedside table, but you ignored it. You knew it'd be Calum panicking over your well-being. Every part of you was crumbling, and the wall of strength you'd built up was tumbling down. Your whole entity ached for Calum's embrace; you needed reminding that he was real. That what you had with each other was real. Right now, you felt like you were trapped inside a twisted nightmare that repeated itself every day. You'd always told yourself that you didn't need to depend on anyone for your happiness. God, had you been lying to yourself or what? Calum was everything to you. Without him, you felt like an empty carcass. You hated showing any sign of weakness, but that's exactly what you were.

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The next morning came around, as did you with it. Your head was pounding and your eyes felt claggy. Honestly, you had recollection of when you fell to sleep, or if you'd passed out. Mostly likely the latter of the two situations occurred. You stumbled out of bed, and threw you dressing gown on. There was no way in hell you were going to look in your floor length mirror because you knew you looked horrific.

2 more fricking months to go; you tried to be optimistic but you just couldn't do it. Positive thoughts were hardly even coming in small doses these days. Getting a glass of water, you downed it like you'd never drunk for months. The coldness of the liquid caused a shiver to ripple up your spine. You felt absolutely shit.

Sluggishly you wandered back to your room, and collapsed onto the bed. You didn't plan on moving for the rest of the day, or for the next two months. Even you knew that you were being kind of pathetic, but you just couldn't help it. It was hell waking up and not seeing him beside you.

Grabbing your phone off the bedside table, you clicked the home button. With all the notifications filling your screen, you were quite surprised that your phone hadn't completely given up yet.

'Voicemail box full', '100 messages off Calum', Twitter DM's from Calum... Absolutely all of them were from Calum. What the hell?

That's when you remembered about the way you abruptly hung up on him that morning. No the wonder he'd left so many message. You couldn't believe how much of an idiot you were. But you were tired, and tiredness made you an irrational thinker.

Then you started going through all the messages:

'Please answer your phone.' 'I'll only keep calling until you answer.' 'Babe, don't do this to me, I'm begging you.' 'It kills me when you shut me out.'

They went on for so long that with each message another part of you died. You had to talk to him now, you couldn't do it any longer. Your phone rang out for about two rings before his voice filtered through the phone.

"Good god, y'n, why the fuck did you do that to me? It's been hours and hours, I was worried sick." His voice was filled with anger.

"Please Cal, don't be mad at me, I'm sorry." Your voice was shaking from the onslaught of tears wanting to fall. This time you forced them back, not wanting to give away that you were broken.

A short sigh was heard from the other end of the line, "I'm sorry, love. I didn't mean to get angry with you. I just... What happened?" His concern was evident.

"I miss you. So much that I can practically feel my heart breaking every time I hear your voice. This is so selfish of me, Cal, you're getting to live your dreams and I'm ruining it for you by being needy." You sniffled, and Calum laughed a little.

"I miss you; god knows I've missed you since I left you at that airport. I wanted to just drop everything and run straight back to you the second we boarded the plane. You're not ruining anything; you've been the most supportive person to me since this whole thing with the band began." He went momentarily quiet before continuing, "I love you, y/n, with my entire heart. You're the only girl I've ever fell so in love with, and you're the only girl I want to be with for the rest of my life. I promise when I get back from this tour, I'll do everything I can to make up for our lost time. You deserve someone far better than me, who can spend all their time on you and love you like you should be loved. None of this is ideal, as much as I've loved touring, being without you has left a void in everything I've done. I needed you here; I should've never left you behind." Neither of you could stop yourselves from sobbing now. "Next time when I have to go away for so long, you're coming with me everywhere I go. I'm never leaving you alone again." If you could've you would've kissed him.

After you'd shared more declarations of love to each other, and managed to joke on with each other for a while, Calum stayed on the phone to sing you back to sleep. It continued the same way for the rest of the time he was touring. He'd promised to never leave you alone again, and he stuck to that promise.