5SOS Imagines

Sleep Tight [Calum]

A/N - Sorry for making you lot wait so long; kept losing track of time and forgetting to post! This one is a tear-jerker; even I can't lie about that so be prepared! 

The statistics in this one are true; I googled them to make sure. I want these imagines to be as realistic as possible without losing their slightly unrealistic touch at the same time... If that makes sense? Anyway, let me know what you think of it :-)

P.S. Even I cried at a particular part of this one; and I never cry at my own imagines...

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Ever since you'd returned from the hospital you'd been noticeably different. It was a rarity that you distanced yourself from Calum, but recently you could barely look at him. The apartment you shared, although it was home, it felt oddly empty. There was an element that should have existed within it that was missing. Calum had never left your side; he'd shadowed almost your every move. He couldn't live with himself if something terrible happened to you. The words you'd muttered to him drugged up in the hospital had shattered his entire being. He knew the only way to protect you was to not leave you alone.

There was a part of you that wished you could shake these dark emotions but there was no way. You'd been harbouring them for almost a week now. The news you received that day should've have made you ecstatic. It should have made your life incredible, but instead it left you completely crushed. There wasn't a thing either of you could have done; and no doctor or nurse could do anything else to help. After all, they'd done the best they could and you knew that. Their jobs were difficult enough; let alone having to deal with a heart-broken woman. So, a couple of days after you'd entered; you left the hospital. The world was bitter and cruel; in a time of such agonising pain how could anyone possibly believe that God existed? How could anyone have faith when everything could be ripped from them so mercilessly?

At the beginning, you were sure Calum would not be pleased with the news you had to tell him. How could he be when his schedule was fully booked from then until the rest of eternity? There wasn't a chance of him getting any free time to act as a carer for you, and he wasn't ready to act as one either. However, that wasn't the case. The doubts you'd had regarding his trepidations were dissolved as soon as you told him. Nine months ago; you'd announced your pregnancy with fear and excitement lacing every fibre of your being. Calum had looked shocked at first, almost terrified but he ended up showering your face in kisses and exclaiming his joy. He'd jumped around the apartment yelling, "I'm going to be a dad!" Nothing could have made him happier. You felt ridiculous for thinking he'd react differently.

Overall, the pregnancy had went by smoothly; everything was perfect. At least that's what you'd been lead to believe until you were rushed into labour too early. Three weeks early was far too soon, and you both knew it. Calum had clung onto your sweating hand as you were rushed down multiple hospital corridors with tears soaking both of your faces. Something had made you feel as though it was going to go horribly wrong. During your labour, you'd been rushed into theatre as it was almost positive that neither you or the baby were going to survive due to you suffering from pre-eclampsia (high-blood pressure). The more time that passed; the worse the situation became and everything was spiralling out of control.

After several hours in theatre; you'd been moved into a private ward. The doctor had explained to Calum what had happened during the childbirth. He'd felt his world explode immediately. Then, he thought of you, lying in that room alone and helpless. You wouldn't know of the horror that had occurred yet. He'd sworn to protect you and his baby girl, and he'd failed you both. The guilt was eating away at him. But this wasn't his fault. It wasn't yours either. Stillbirths happened during 1 in every 150 pregnancies, and you'd been one of the unfortunate ones. This was earth and heart shattering in every possible way. All the plans you'd made to do together as a family were destroyed.

Calum entered your private room with a dark cloud looming above his head. He'd came a few hours later as the nurses had said you needed to rest. After all the pain you'd endured, he was sure they were right about that. It gave him time to build up the courage and strength it would take to tell you what had happened. He still wasn't sure if he'd be able to tell you. You'd been so overjoyed at the prospect of becoming a mother. There was nothing you'd ever wanted more than to have your own child. Calum had known of this desire for years now; and he hated knowing this dream had been crushed.

As he walked into the room, you faced him with a weak smile on your lips. You'd been given anaesthetics during the labour because it would have been too traumatic for you to witness any of it. The medical staff all knew you didn't have the strength to give birth naturally and chose to do a c-section. It was the easiest way to end the immediate pain; only it was going to cause twice the amount of emotional and physical pain in the long run and they knew that all too well. Nobody would ever be able to understand the agony you were going to face unless they'd experienced the loss of a child themselves.

Calum glanced towards the floor and took a deep breath before meeting your eyes again. "Y/N, there's something you need to know." The serious tone to his voice caused panic signs to raise in your mind.

"What is it, Cal? Is Maisy ok?" The mention of the name had startled him completely.

"Babe, who's Maisy?" His puzzled expression made you chuckle.

"Well, you know, our daughter. Remember when we talked about it a few months ago? I always knew she was a Maisy." The brightest smile lined your lips. His face paled as the realisation that hit him; she was going to be called Maisy. But now his baby girl was dead.

"Maisy didn't make it, y/n. She's gone." He watched as the thought began to process in your mind; and saw your entire body sink into the hospital bed. At first, there was complete silence and then the sobbing started. It was inaudible until Calum wrapped his arms around you in a tight embrace and then came the screaming. Your yells were muffled due to being held so tightly by Calum. There was no way your beautiful girl was gone. This had to be some sort of twisted nightmare. You'd believe anything other than that she was dead. Denial was typically the first part of grieving; clinging onto the dead as if they're the living. It's the easiest coping mechanism. That idealism was the cause of your self-destruction.

For an entire week, you'd barely eaten or slept and only drank water because Calum wouldn't leave you alone until you did. Between the two of you; it was hard to discover who was riddled with the most guilt over Maisy's passing. You because you were the main reason Maisy had died that day; or Calum because he couldn't bring her back? There was no easy solution to this. Calum had been by your side through all of it. The nightmares when you woke screaming and crying, to the blank staring at the walls in your bedroom; he never left once. Any work that had been planned he'd cancelled, and that had to be honoured due to the work's contractual grievance period. Although he was heartbroken by the loss; Calum hardly let it show because he wanted to be able to create a happier environment. He wanted nothing but you to be yourself again. It felt like he'd not only lost his child in that hospital; but he'd also lost the woman he loved. The idea made him sick to his stomach.

No matter what; he'd find a way to help you see the light at the end of the tunnel. In some way or another, he'd pull you both through this trauma. He had to.