Kellin Quinn Imagines

(For Koneko) Suicidal Thoughts

((((( AUTHORS NOTE: This is now the most popular Kellin Quinn imagines book, thank you guys so much!!! This one was requested by Http_Death so I hope you enjoy! Gawd, thank you guys so much for reading all these imagines! Seriously! THANK YOU!!! I love you guys so much! XD )))))

You sit at the foot of the bed, hands resting on your legs. Its happening again. You're staring straight ahead, but you dont see the wall infront of you. You're deep in thought. Deep in suicidal thoughts to exact. Your boyfriend, Kellin Quinn, is out of the house at the moment. He's caught you this way a couple times, sometimes its hard to snap you out of this state. You get so deep in thought, you dont blink. You lose track of time when you're like this. It could be seconds, minutes or even hours, you couldnt be sure. What would the world be like if you didnt exist? What would the world be like if you were dead? Better, you think. You're a waste of space. To everyone...except Kellin. How can he love you? There's nothing positive that you can see about yourself, much less anything attractive. You feel things tracing the scars that cover your wrists, and realize they're your own fingers. You dont look down, you continue staring straight ahead. You're unable to snap yourself out of it. The sound of your heart beat fills your ears, drowning out everything else. You lose yourself completely. You cant see the wall infront of you, even vaguely, now. You hear muffled speech and you're being shaken. By what? By who?

"Koneko!?! Baby!?! Oh god, please answer me baby! Please!" You recognize that voice, it pulls you back into reality. You look up at Kellin and he instantly pulls you into his warm embrace. "Koneko, I was worried sick! Thank god you're ok!" You dont say anything, your eyes hurt. Kellin pulls away and kneels infront of you, smiling sweetly. "Why were you crying baby?"
You raise an eyebrow "I wasnt-" you croak, you clear your throat and try again "I wasnt crying!"
Kellin sighs and cups one of your cheeks with his hand, stroking your cheek with his thumb. When he takes his hand away, its wet. You gasp, Kellin nods. "Were you thinking about...about THAT again?" He asks. You stare down at the floor and nod. "Why baby?" Kellin pleads.
You sigh "I dont belong here Kellin, in this house, on this planet, I just dont fit! I feel like the world would be a better place if I didnt exist, but as I dont know of any ways to accomplish that, a better solution is suicide. Im so tired of hating myself. Im so tired of living, if thats what this is. I used to be worse, before I met you, but you changed everything. You help me, more than you'll ever understand, and you're the only reason Im still alive today. But...Im not a car you can just fix up, I'll never run right, thats just me." You explain, not meeting his gaze.
Kellin sits with his legs crossed on the floor, he holds his arms up and you fall into them, his arms wrapping themselves around you. "Its ok baby, let it out." Kellin whispers, knowing you're holding back tears. So you let them flow. For about ten minutes you're just crying into Kellin, him comforting you and rubbing your back to calm you down. But those ten minutes pass, and eventually you're just sniffling. "Feeling better baby?" Kellin asks quietly.
You sniffle and nod "I still feel like shit, but thats just me."
Kellin nods "Listen baby, you do belong on this planet. If you didnt you wouldnt have been born. You belong here, with me, in my arms, where you're safe. Im always going to be here for you baby, I know thats one of your biggest fears, that one day I'll leave you, but I wont, unless you want me to. You are the most beautiful girl in the world. You mean everything to me. I hate seeing you hurt like this baby, I just want to help you. Im going to help you through this, I promise, you will feel so much better, just be patient. I love you so much Koneko, you can overcome this." He kisses your hair.
"Th-Thank you so much Kellin. Because of you, I havent self harmed in over a week." You whisper, biting your lip, Kellin doesnt know about you being clean.
He gasps "Oh my god baby! Well done! Congratulations! Im so fucking proud of you!" He kisses you all over your face and neck, making you giggle.
"I dont know what I'd do without you Kellin." You rest a hand on the side of his face and he nuzzles into it.
"And I dont know what I'd do without you baby. I cant live without you." Kellin replies softly.
You kiss him "Oh, I forgot to say something earlier." You bite your lip, Kellin raises an eyebrow, you continue. "I love you too." Then you're kissing again and, strangely, things dont seem as bad anymore.