Rejected by one Alpha, Loved by another

chapter 50 - The last few weeks

Jaxon's POV

Being the Alpha of the Midnight pack it is my responsibility to ensure that all the pack members are emotionally fine, that they are physically healthy and are up to date with any checks they need. My pack is my family and I would do anything to protect them. But lately, I have been feeling helpless towards Esme and the feeling doesn't subside when she smiles because I know it's not a genuine smile. When Esme gave birth to our beautiful daughter, Delilah three weeks ago she has started to become a little distant towards everyone. Would often lock herself in our room and speak only when needed to and since then, she has been struggling to settle back in at the pack house or even her routine.

"Jaxon we have to do something she isn't herself and you know that" My dads the first to speak. Yes he's right but no I can't just assume this is what I think it is and make her talk.

Esme and I were both ecstatic when we found out that we were going to be parents the first time and the opportunity got snatched away from us. My world fell apart and then my world caved even more when Esme shut me out. The second time we found out she was pregnant we did everything we was told and then some, she refused to do much that could put her or our baby in danger but the third time...My life felt complete and it still is but I found myself loving the idea of a big family like what my mom always wanted. Many kids and a big family. her dreams became my dreams overtime because I'm definitely my mothers son. Our love for each other only grew stronger as we prepared for the arrival of our little one. But after the birth of Reggie she bounced back, she was ready and she had that fight in her to start training and to get better again. Esme's mood changed this time around. She would often pace around at night, unable to sleep. At first, I thought it was just due to the stress and exhaustion of bringing another baby home. But as the weeks went by, her behaviour became more distant and withdrawn.

I couldn't understand what was happening to my mate. She was always so strong and independent even in the toughest of situations and believe me she's been through so much shit over her years, but now she seemed lost and vulnerable. It broke my heart to see her like this. I knew something was wrong, but I didn't know how to help her.

"Do you think I would be sitting here talking to you if I knew what to do dad? because I wouldn't be. I'm not able to get her to talk to me I can't figure out what to do myself so please just stop with the questions or theories"

I didn't mean to snap at him and I did apologise but I cant help myself. Running a pack is stressful enough but having to face this with Esme is also challenging because I would love to just take the pain away from her so she doesn't have to face it alone.

"I get it son I do but you have to push it to make something work"

knowing he's right only makes me sigh the more and I sighed alright...I think I sighed for the last 4 few weeks but in this one sigh I believe. Who knows.  "I get it okay. Just let her have time and I will sort something out dad. Right now she doesn't need me pushing she needs me to be here and waiting for her which I am, I'm just lost myself" I say sitting down and buckling myself in for the next few days, or even weeks and months.

One night, as I held our daughter in my arms, I couldn't take it anymore. I went to our bedroom and Expected to find Esme sitting on the bed like I did every night, staring into space. That's what I wanted to find, so I could sit down next to her and gently take her hand in mine.

'What's wrong, my love?' is the one question I asked so much at the start, Now I only ask her if she needs anything.

but I didn't find her there, nor was she in the bathroom or down stairs. I got my mom and dad to listen out for the kids and I went looking outside, Her scent was everywhere so I couldn't track it down that way but the distant sounds of a howl made my heart clench so bad. I didn't need to ask who it was because I already knew. Instead of waiting for her to come home I shifted into my wolf form and letting Blaze take over, letting him find Alana and he did. He kept his distance to not spook her but her white fur was laying in the grass like she wanted to saviour this moment forever. She was beautiful. The most beautiful woman I have ever laid eyes on.

I walked over to her and laid down next to her with my head on her belly and worry lacing my voice but the voice I have been wanting to hear from for weeks is lying underneath me. I ask her one more time through our mind link. I ask her in hopes she will open up to me because I can't keep worrying about her and then finding her doing this I need to know she's safe even if she wants to go for a run. "Es, I know your struggling okay I know your hurting somewhere but I miss you. I can't help you if you shut me out baby I can't let you shut me out again I'm scared" are the words I admitted because I am...so fucking scared of losing her to something that isn't in her control. She looked at me with tears in her wolf formed eyes and said " Somethings wrong Jax I know it is. I just feel so overwhelmed and disconnected from everything."

My heart ached for her. I knew that giving birth and adjusting to motherhood could be challenging, but I never expected Esme to go through such a difficult time. I held her as close as my shnoz would allow and whispered soothing words, trying to comfort her.

The next day, I consulted our pack doctor after going for a 2 hour sprint with my woman and then sharing a hot bath and washing her hair for her the night before. He confirmed my fears - Esme was suffering from postpartum depression. It wasn't a major surprise as my gut instincts told me this. I had heard of this condition before, but I never thought it could happen to my mate. I felt like I had failed her as her mate and as the Alpha.

The doctor explained that postpartum depression is a common but serious condition that affects many new mothers. He assured me that with proper treatment and support, Esme would be able to overcome it. He prescribed some medication for her and suggested that I be patient and understanding with her which I have being doing, she's willing to co-operate with it all and try anything to help her which I'm thankful for.

I took his advice to heart and did everything I could to make Esme feel loved and supported but also became firm with her to get out and begin training, throwing all her emotions at me when everyone else had finished all training for the day. They didn't need to know she's struggling and even though they wouldn't judge her it's not my place to tell them. Getting her home from the doctors that day had been a weight lifted, she hadn't changed in mood or emotion but I felt a sense of relief wash over me and hopefully her too. By keeping her medications on a routinely timetable of night time and day time she started to take them without even needing anyone to remind her which for me was a total bonus, I also asked our pack members to give her space and not to pressure her into doing anything she wasn't ready for but to act normal around her.

At first, it was hard. Esme was distant and detached as we all expected, and it was difficult to communicate with her again...it was expected. But I refused to give up on her. I knew that deep down, she was still my strong and independent mate. She just needed time to heal and a little time to come to terms with the changes life has thrown at us.

Slowly but surely, She started to open up to me, Explaining that she didn't know what's wrong at first she just felt like everything was against her, she would wake up at night and go for a run until the dawn cracked through the sky, or how she would try to do something and then it would fail so she would easily get mad. She admitted to me that she wanted to blame it on being a mother or giving birth or both but she couldn't, she didn't want to see our babies because it reminded her of her feeling sad all of the time. She told me about her fears and anxieties, and I listened patiently, holding her hand and not commenting on how it will be okay but just being the ears she needed.. I also made sure to involve her in pack activities and responsibilities, as I knew that being an active member of the pack would help her feel more connected.

As the weeks went by, Esme's mood began to improve. She started to smile and laugh a little more, and I could see the spark in her eyes returning gradually. I was relieved and grateful to see her getting better slowly. We had a long road ahead but I was ready for it.

I remember one night I had gone to our room and she wasn't there, I was worried but someone had said she collected Delilah and Reggie from the nursery early, I was worried for a moment because it's the first time in weeks that she had held or even looked at our children but the sight I saw when I stepped out on to the field was breath taking, she had changed from her track suit bottoms to a beautiful sun dress which hugged her body gracefully and impeccably well. She doubted her beauty but there was not a single hair on her head that made her look anything but beautiful but she was playing in the grass and playing peek-A-boo with our babies making them laugh. It was a sight I would have loved to have caught on camera. To bad my shitty phone died earlier and I didn't think to charge it. Idiot.

A few nights ago, as we sat on our porch watching the sunset, Esme turned to me with tears in her eyes and a small smile playing at her lips and said 'Thank you, Jax. I don't know what I would have done without you. You never gave up on me even when I felt as though I was giving up on myself a little, even when I was pushing you away You never gave up.'

I smiled and kissed her forehead, 'I will always be here for you, my love. No matter what.'

We sat in comfortable silence, enjoying each other's company for the first time in 4 weeks and I couldn't of had a better day to end my night. It was something I loved to do with her when she fell pregnant and now we can continue with our tradition further down the line. I understand that she will have bad days and some to the point where she won't get out of bed or she's exhausted but today is a win for me and any day I get my fiancée happy and smiling will be a win. As the stars started to twinkle in the sky, Esme snuggled closer to me and whispered the four words I have waited to hear for a while which was, 'I love you, Jax.'

'I love you too, Esme,' I replied, holding her tight.

We have faced every challenge together since she came here and sometimes it was more me but she will always...Always be my team player.

Now, as I look at Esme laying with her head on my shoulder and her eyes closed, I am filled with joy and gratitude. She is slowly coming back to her old self, full of love.