Rejected by one Alpha, Loved by another

Chapter 96: He doesn't need me

Millie's POV

Sometimes I like being in my very own little world. I get to forget all the bad that happens in the world and I get to focus on whatever is in my imagination.

Like now.

I'm sitting in the front passenger seat, Kai's hand on my thigh, but I'm not exactly here in the real world.

I can see his lips moving sometimes, and I can feel the tension in his body, but I don't know what else to do. Sasha tipped me over the edge with her usual bitchy self this afternoon so I closed down from everything and everyone.

Just how I like it.

Apart from the fact that I feel like I'm too closed off from the world, and I don't know how to come back from this world. It scares me sometimes when I feel the pressure in my head.

"Mills?"

"Hmm?" I ask him as I continue to look forward, not even wondering if I should be looking his way or not.

"Baby-Girl, talk to me", he pleads. How does an Alpha male such as himself go from being...well...an Alpha to being this loving person who wants to be there for me? Support me and protect me. To fight my demons when I feel like I'm fighting them all alone sometimes.

"I don't know what you want me to say." I try my best to act unaffected by his nearness, but my body does react, and this is why I wanted to be mateless.

"Just talk to me, damnit!" He snaps and removes his hand.

I don't speak, though. I don't react to his anger or the tone he used. I think my body is completely numb to things today.

My mind swirls with every possibility of how I can get him to reject me as a mate, so I can go on about my life and hopefully move away. Maybe move home and find a job down there.

"We're here", he says as he turns the car off and faces me in his seat. I may as well just rip the band-aid off now.

"Kai-"

"I'm sorry", he says

"It's okay. I'm sorry too," I say, looking out the window instead of at his face. I don't want to hurt him. I know breaking this mating bond will hurt him the same way it will me, but I have to do this for his sake, not mine.

"I didn't mean to snap, Baby-Girl. I just need to know what's going on. If I'm not aware, then I can't help you get through it," he says, reaching for my hand.

We're interrupted by a knock at my window.

Turning around I'm met with his mom. She's smiling but it's sad. I haven't properly met her, only briefly when we had coffee with her when I stayed here weeks ago.

"You told them?" I ask, feeling a bit off with people knowing my business.

"I had to"

"No. You didn't. You should have just left me at college, okay."

"Millie, don't be like that. Mom needed to know, okay. She's worried about you, and so am I"

I get out of the car with a pleasant smile for his mom.

I don't say anything because I feel like this whole thing is humiliating.

"Millie-" Kai starts, but I don't listen, I simply head inside his house and find a spare room. The pack house is where he usually goes, but he has his other property just off the street where the pack house is.

I hear him talking to his mom. Something about being worried, but I quicken my pace so I don't have to listen to anymore of it.

-

Finding comfort in a spare room, I start my diary entry.

It's been weeks since I wrote in it. I haven't had the mind space for it. But right here...right now, I need to.

Dear diary.

I get that I'm about to screw up one of the best things to ever happen to me. I do, truly, you don't have to tell me twice because I already know.

I've been avoiding Kai in hopes that he will reject me.

Make me go through the pain of losing my first true love so that he can move on. Find his true Luna. His forever, no matter how hard it may be at the start.

I wish life had dealt me a different set of cards. I wish I didn't feel like an outsider when I just want to feel a part of something.

I know what I must do.

I'm willing to break my own heart so that he can have a second chance at finding true love.

There's something wrong with me, and I don't know how to explain it.

It's like my body is experiencing an out-of-body experience where I'm me, I'm definitely Millie here, but my mind is feeling a million miles away. I'm someone else from another world.

It's dark here.

Lonely.

I don't want a life where I have to drag myself to get up and put on a smile for the world to see. I don't want to fake it until I make it. I want to be free.

I want to feel that feeling of being free.

To let go.

It's not a goodbye note. It's simply me saying I'm sorry.

For not being able to be good enough for you. I'm sorry, Kai.

I hope one day you will forgive me.

Millie X

I set my diary down and sit in the now dark room I have occupied. I remember talking to Kai one night, and he explained how he had his own place as well as the pack house, which kind of reminds me of home. My Mom and Dad have their own property and have done so for years. Since my brother took over for our father. Although my Dad hated the fact that he couldn't be the main Alpha, he is really proud of Reggie for becoming the man he is today.

I can hear Kai walking around. I can feel his resistance to talk to me because of how I have been tonight, but I truly believe that I am doing the right thing here. I don't want him stuck with someone who can barely look after themselves when she doesn't take her medications or when she can barely clean up because she has no energy. That allows her bullies to do what it is that they want because she's 'Weak'. That isn't a life he wants and needs. He has a bloody pack to run, a big business to keep together. He doesn't need me.