Rejected by one Alpha, Loved by another

Chapter 51 - Love

Esme's POV

It's been 4 weeks since I started therapy and my medication for my depression, and today just seems to be a bit of a bad day. I woke up feeling exhausted, even though I had slept for a full 7 hours. My mind was working overtime and I didn't like it, constantly replaying negative thoughts and memories of my life prior to the pack, then giving birth or being in my old pack and giving birth. The worries I keep facing is hard enough when I can think clearer but today I can't even form a simple question without repeating what I want or need. I could feel the weight of my depression crushing me and I know it isn't my fault, It's a normal thing but I don't want to feel this way anymore. It's making it harder for me to do even the simplest tasks. But I knew I had to push through and get out of bed, or else I would never be able to face the day ahead.

As I made my way to the kitchen, I could hear the sounds of pack and their mates getting ready for the day. I tried to put on a smile and act like everything was fine, but I could feel their concerned gazes on me, They all know I have being struggling and not taken it to heart when I haven't being in my right frame of Luna duties mind but It still irritates me because I need them to be normal towards me, I want that more than anything. They all knew about my struggles with depression before I became Luna and they gave me space but they still said hello and asked me if I needed anything but then I remembered that it's suppose to be me asking them.

I quickly made myself a cup of coffee and sat at the kitchen island, staring at the dark liquid. I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes, threatening to spill over, my therapist told me it's all to be expected but it makes me feel weak, so instead of letting the tears fall I took a deep breath and tried to calm myself down, but it felt like my emotions were a rollercoaster, going up and down without any control.

'Hey, Esme. Are you okay?' I heard a familiar voice say. I looked up to see Naomi standing in front of me with a concerned look on her face.
I forced a smile and nodded, not wanting to worry her, me and Finley was doing okay the last thing I needed was to have her go and tell him what's wrong. But he knew me too well, and he could see right through my façade even if she didn't say anything.

'Come on, let's go for a walk. It might make you feel better,' she said, holding out her hand for me to take.
I hesitated for a moment, not wanting to go out but then I remembered what Dr Rhodes said...'Taking a walk in the garden might make you think a little clearer' But then I realized that I couldn't do this alone, and Naomi was always there for me when I needed her as well as I was there for her when she needed me, So I took her hand and we walked out of the pack house, into the fresh air.

As we walked through the forest, she didn't ask me any questions or try to give me any advice. She simply walked beside me, holding my hand and letting me know that I wasn't alone. And that was all I needed at that moment.
We eventually reached a clearing, where we sat down on the soft grass. The sun was shining down on us, and for a moment, I felt at peace. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, trying to focus on the present moment and not let my depression consume me.

'Esme, I know it's hard, but you have to remember that this is just a bad day. It's not a reflection of your progress or who you are as a person,' Naomi said, breaking the silence.

I opened my eyes and looked at her, feeling a sense of gratitude for having such a supportive friend. 'Thank - you. I don't know what I would do without you. I get that it's only one day but it's hard and it's hard when all's I want to do is play with my kids and go for walks with them,' I said, tears forming in my eyes and this time...I let them fall, I welcome them because I know it's what I need right now.

"Girl...you can still do those things. You can still go out for a walk with your babies and have a picnic. They are a reminder of the things you have achieved and those babies are the ones who will also keep you afloat when you need it and right now you need it"

I knew she was right. I had heard this from her yesterday as well when I was having an alright day, not the best but not the worst and I didn't know how to respond then either.

We stayed there for a while, just holding each other and enjoying the peacefulness of the moment. And for the first time in a long time, I felt like everything was going to be okay. today...everything was going to be okay today. I can tackle tomorrow when It comes but for now I think I need Jaxon and my babies.

As the day went on, I could feel my spirits lifting a little. I spent some time in the garden and picked out some fresh flowers for the kitchen, I know Robyn likes flowers and her old ones are sort of out on there last legs so I picked some new ones for her. And for a moment, I forgot all about my problems.
I wanted to go to bed early that night, hoping that a good night's rest would make me feel better the next day. But as I laid on the sofa with Reggie in my arms and delilah in Jaxon's arms watching them sleep with the TV on in the background I couldn't bring myself to go to bed yet.

'I know you're having a tough time, but I wanted to remind you that you're strong and you'll get through this,' Jaxon said, placing a loving kiss on my hair. I managed to get out of bed today that was a start.
Tears filled my eyes as I hugged him tightly., well hugged him how I could with how I was sitting, 'Thank you, Jax. You have no idea how much this means to me,' I said, my voice barely above a whisper.
I knew that I had a strong support system to help me through them tough days. And with each passing day, I will feel myself getting better and stronger.

But the one thing that kept me going was the love and understanding that Jaxon showed me that day. It made me realize that even in my darkest moments, there was always someone who cared enough to pull me out of the darkness. And that person was my mate.