Need You (ShinDeku)

Ch. 88 - Sprialing

A/N: guys... don't get too mad at Shinso, okay? (Or do, whatever floats your boat). He's being a dumbass but that's because he has such a deep rooted belief that he doesn't deserve to love/be loved that he's using Izuku's wellbeing as an excuse for why he's a bad person who doesn't deserve him. I maybe don't like how dramatized I made it but oh well no going back now.
Have fun reading!

Shinso POV

     My head still hurts, it has all day and getting shocked halfway to hell by my classmate didn't help any. I sit on the ground with my back against the concrete wall of the building next to our training grounds, forearms on my knees, head tilted back until it hits the stone behind me. The shade of the building doesn't seem to cool me off from the early summer heat. I feel so out of it.

I can't stop thinking about the dream and it makes me feel gross. No matter how dirty I feel for having these thoughts, I can't stop them. I want it to come true so badly. I want him so much. To be accepted by him, to be allowed to love and care for him, fuck, a high school student shouldn't be feeling this deeply about someone they spent a few weeks with.

     I should be focusing on school and making it into the hero course, maybe a crush would be okay—it's understandable—but this is way past that. And it's terrible, it's so fucked because he's so severely traumatized and I know he's dependent on me but I still feel so damn good knowing that. Knowing I'm needed and wanted by him.

     I didn't hardly know him before all of this, the only other interaction we had was the sports festival, and sure I thought he was cool, seemed nice, and maybe I thought he was cute, but they were just passing thoughts and I knew nothing about him. The way he acts now can't be entirely reflective of who he is as a person, who he was before, it can't be because he's been through so much, so what if I'm in love with him because of all of his trauma-induced traits? What if I love him because he depends on me? Because he acts so agreeably and thoughtfully since he's still scared and he feels guilty for needing to be taken care of?

It makes me feel fucking sick. I'm a sick person and a terrible friend and hell, I never deserved him in the first place. Despite it all, despite recognizing how messed up my feelings must be, how undeserving I am, I'm a selfish asshole. I want to keep him to myself and take my chance to convince him to like me back. I'm so gross.

"Alright dearie, blink those tears away before they fall. I'll heal you up but seeing as you were up and walking towards me just a moment ago you should be okay from the shock. Does your head hurt? You were holding it on the way over." Recovery girl fusses, standing over me. I hadn't even noticed that she was near.

"Oh, I'm fine, thanks-"

"He's had a headache since this morning," Izuku steps in. "I made him drink some water but it didn't help." He looks upset as he looks over me, and my guilt thickens, suffocating me. Also, how did he even know it didn't go away?

RG nods thoughtfully at him. "Keep drinking water and make sure you eat well." She drew something out of her pocket, handing it to me. "Here's some mild non-prescription painkillers, they're good for headaches. If it gets worse tonight or it continues tomorrow come see me." I nod at her, taking the small bottle, and she looks to Izuku for further confirmation.

"Make sure he does as I ask." She tells him, and he nods back, dutifully and quickly.

I scowl when the sight gives me butterflies, feeling sick with myself after.

A few minutes later Aizawa calls everyone over, and Izuku fusses over me, trying to help me walk even though he's the one with the walking stick. Fuck, and there it is, I'm so fixated on the fact that he was kidnapped and he's traumatized and he needs specialized care and attention. Is it too much though? Isn't it important to treat him like a regular person, which is what he is? But he said he likes the way I babied him. Is that okay? Would it hurt his recovery process? I'm still not remotely qualified for this.