Need You (ShinDeku)

Ch. 18 - Koala

A/N: you all seemed really excited for this one so I put it out a bit early for the price of it being a bit shorter again.

Trigger warning:
There's lots of immediate post-death coping, some self blaming, and a tad bit of unnecessary guilt. It's the entire chapter, and therefore there will be no in-chapter warnings.
Have fun reading!

Shinso POV

     That's the first time I've watched someone die in real life. It felt wrong, like I was intruding on something, and my gut twisted as if trying to tell me you shouldn't be here. This is not right. It wasn't just Midoriya's mother that died, either. Maybe that was part of why it was so disturbing. I watched Izuku die a little on the inside too.

     Aizawa arrived at the hospital about twenty minutes ago, and we left about five minutes ago. We wanted to give him time to say goodbye, even though she was gone, but he just sat there in a heap on the floor, crying so hard he started hyperventilating. He kept repeating the word mom over and over again, quietly.

     Both Aizawa and I were talking to him, telling him we had to leave. The doctors had come back into the room and said that even though she had passed away, we weren't allowed to stay past visiting hours, which were almost over.

     He was completely unresponsive, and I couldn't help but feel as though some of this was my fault. If I had run just a little faster, maybe she could have said I love you or something. Maybe he could have said goodbye, or felt her squeeze his hand one last time.

     The first time I had tried to pick him up due to his unresponsiveness, he had lashed out and I narrowly avoided a slap to the face. The second time he had thrashed around for a bit before latching onto me and sobbing into my chest.

     After a minute or two I managed to pick him up and he wrapped his legs tightly around my waist. When we got back to the car he wouldn't let go so I settled for letting him sit on my lap while I rubbed his back.

     Now we're on our way back to UA, and the only sounds in the car are Midoriya's soft cries and sniffles.

     Only once we park in front of the gen-ed dorms does Aizawa turn around and speak.

     "Hey kid, it's gonna be alright. Maybe not now, and maybe not a few months from now, but eventually, you're gonna be okay, and we're here for you every step of the way. Don't forget that." The only sign that he even heard anything Aizawa said was that he tightened his grip around me slightly.

     "Tonight you just need to get some rest."

     Aizawa nods at me and I slowly get out of the car, making sure not to drop Izuku. Not that I would even be able to, because he's clinging to me like a koala. I hug him tightly as I walk into the dorms, as if to protect him from the world. I wish I could.

     It takes some coaxing to get him to let go long enough for us to change into sleepwear, and re-wrap his arms, and then he's back to clinging to me.

     "She's gone." He whispers, and it's the first thing he's said since we left the hospital. My heart breaks just a little more.

     "I know. I'm so sorry."

     We stay like that for a long time. At some point we begin slightly rocking back and forth, sitting on the floor in the middle of my dorm.

     "Thank you." I freeze. I failed you. Why are you thanking me? He seems to realize my confusion. "I got to hear her say my name one last time."

     I'm not sure what to say so we fall back into silence. It isn't until about ten minutes later when I speak again.

     "Let's get you to bed." I deposit him under the blankets on my bed but he won't let go.

    "Please stay with me. I feel safer with you." He looks up at me. "And I feel bad seeing you sleep in your chair." He adds on.

     "Okay, let me go turn the lights off." He releases me and I walk over to the light switch, flicking it off. The sun is still setting, though it's almost gone, giving me enough light to find my way back to the bed.

     I slip under the sheets next to him and he immediately attaches himself to me again.

     "Goodnight." I murmur, hesitantly wrapping an arm around him.

     "Goodnight."

——————

     It's been a few hours and I haven't fallen asleep yet. My brain doesn't usually let me sleep until midnight at the earliest anyways. Some nights I'm lucky to get three or four hours. I look down at Izuku's sleeping face which hasn't changed since he fell asleep only to find a distressed look adorning his features.

     "Shhh, go back to sleep. It's just a dream." I try to copy whatever Aizawa did while he was in the hospital the first time, and it seems to work until his eyes fly open.

     "No no no no no-" he notices where he is and abruptly stops. He seems to sigh in relief when he sees me. "I thought we didn't make it." His voice shakes. Understanding dawns on my face and I cradle his head to my chest. I think I'm starting to get how important it was to Izuku that he heard his mom's voice before she left.

     He hadn't heard her voice in months. As much as I care about my parents, we've never had a really strong relationship, partially because of my own actions. Still, I would be freaking out if I hadn't talked to them in months, even a week is pushing it, and to think they passed away without hearing their voice one more time would kill me.

     I feel a pang of guilt knowing I got to stay at the hospital with Izuku overnight to be there when he woke up, yet his own mother wasn't allowed to be there.

     "You're going to get through this. You are so strong." He nods into my chest.

993 words.