Need You (ShinDeku)

Ch. 82 - Selfish

A/N: some of you are going to be thinking fucking finally after this chapter, and no, not because they kiss. Sorry, they're still too insecure to be doing that yet lol. Mido is just finally starting to come to his senses and using that smart brain of his for once.
Have fun reading!

Midoriya's POV

Unlike our journey to the cafeteria, we are fortunate to make our way back without any hiccups or stops. Hizashi stands outside the door to our classroom and greets us both with poorly-hidden relief shining in his eyes.

"There you two are," he greets warmly. "Let's get you inside so you can finish your lunch, yeah? I heard from Shota you're starting to get back to a healthy level of eating so let's keep on that, sounds good?"

"Alright, sorry for worrying you, Hizashi." I tell him quietly, knowing how worried he must have been. I'm so accident prone it must be really stressful for him and Shota.

"No no, I'm great, don't apologize. I know you two are both safe if you're together, so don't feel bad at all!"

He looked awkward for once, almost unsure of himself and so unlike the loud pro hero I had come to love through my childhood, who I listened to every week on the radio.

He gave Hitoshi and I a smile, and before I could overthink anything I stepped forward and wrapped my arms around him. Even if the two of them didn't care for me as much as I knew they did, situations like this must be really stressful, even if only for the fact that I'm their legal responsibility and they have a duty to uphold the school's image.

Hizashi slumped a little after a moment, bringing one arm around to rub my back and the other to pull my head gently into his shoulder.

"Alright. Maybe I was a little worried," he said quietly, "but don't apologize, okay? It's part of my job to worry about you, especially less than a week after, well... I'll get over it."

He let go to put his hands on my shoulders then, and I pulled back a little. "As long as you're safe, that's all that matters."

I smiled up at him, still having a hard time comprehending how I got so many people who care so much about me in such a short time.

Maybe... I hardly dared think that that care and concern may have been there before all that happened to me, when I still thought all I had was my mother.

We entered the classroom and Hizashi went over to Shota, who pretended to be napping upon seeing that the door was open. I hid a smile, knowing he had been waiting to see Hitoshi and I come through the door.

The rest of the period goes by well, with Koda, Uraraka and Tsu at our table. The rest of the day goes by without any issues as well, other than Hitoshi's slight withdrawn behavior. I didn't realize until today how often part of him was touching me—my back, my shoulder, my arm, my knee, my hand—because he wasn't doing any of that today. I found myself missing that touch that previously I hadn't even thought about, but I didn't want to push him.

When my session with hound dog came around I considered talking about it and I knew the pro noticed something was bothering me, but I didn't want to talk about Hitoshi behind his back. I didn't think he would appreciate me talking about him like that.

I hoped he would come around on his own but I just didn't know what to do. I mean... I'm fairly certain I didn't do anything so I'm trying not to assume it's my fault.

I bit my lip as we walked back to the dorms at the end of the day. He seemed a little upset in general but he only acted noticeably different around me. I thought back to last night when he was crying and my mind raced through the possibilities. After thinking it over throughout the day I was fairly certain his change in behavior had something to do with that, so something must have happened before then. I recounted the previous day and my mind spluttered and face turned red as I remembered him reaching out to wipe my chin with his thumb. I seriously almost leaned forward and kissed him! I gnawed harder on my lip, willing the blush to go away. But then my brows furrowed and my head snapped up to Hitoshi, and it felt like pieces were falling into place in my head.

That's when he started acting strange. He pulled way from me like his hand was burning, expression contorting as if coming to his senses, realizing he almost made a grave mistake, even if it only showed for a split second.

Then later the questions came, asking if he had ever done something I didn't like. I was confused at first, was he asking if I was annoyed about a habit or something? If I didn't like that he left his coffee cup out on our desk? But I understood quickly, he was asking about other things. Whether he did something that reminded me of the league. He never insulted me, his words were always kind, so he wasn't talking about that. I figured he touched me sometimes but not in the way that man did, so it wasn't that. He had never hit me, but I figured maybe he was worried about when we were training. I worried a bit about it too, what would happen if I was sparring and I got hit the wrong way or pulled onto a choke hold and just shut down. But I figured that's a part of healing, to face my fears and learn to get over them.

So I gave him what I thought was a good answer. I told him it was fine and that I'd rather get it over with and face my fears. But... what if he hadn't been referring to that? My mind briefly flitted back to when I really thought he was going to kiss me, the misunderstanding I thought it was, and then the way he's been acting withdrawn and not even touching me today. Is that-

"You okay Izuku?"

I blinked in surprise, realizing I was still staring at Hitoshi's face as we walked.

"You're mumbling and you've been staring at me with that concentrated look for a while." His eyes flutter down to my lips for a moment. "And what did I say about you biting your lips? You're going to make them raw." He looked back up to my eyes with his own pretty purple ones.

"O-oh, sorry." I released my bottom lip from my teeth guiltily.

"Are you alright?"

"Yeah, just thinking." To shift the concern off of me I reach out and slide my weak hand into his, pulling us towards the dorms. I notice the way he looks down at our hands with slightly widened eyes, hesitantly and lightly wrapping his own fingers around my hands as I try to pull him forward.

It couldn't be any more clear than that. He really was worried about if he was touching me too much. Especially since he doesn't seem unhappy about holding my hand now. I guess that means I have to step up and initiate things now, to show him that it's okay.

But... what caused the change? It happened out on the balcony, but was it really just because he touched my chin? I thought of the way his eyes had drifted down and time seemed to slow. My breath hitched. Was he seriously going to kiss me!? My heart stuttered pitifully and I almost felt as though I needed to catch my breath as joy ballooned in my chest.

I shook my head decisively. No, Izuku. You can't jump to conclusions like that. Right now it's just a possibility, you need more proof to confirm that Hitoshi almost kissed you, or that he at least likes you.

I pulled him into our building and towards the elevators to grab some cat food, feeling giddy. I struggled to hide my smile without biting my lips, lecturing myself to not gather false hope. But if there was a chance, if I seriously had a chance with him...I would do my absolute best to seize that chance.

Objectively, I still don't think I'm good enough for someone like Hitoshi. I don't know if I ever will be, but I am going to do my best to become someone worthy of being with him. I'm tired of not being good enough for things in my life, being told I don't deserve things or I'm not strong enough to have them, so I'm going to be someone who Hitoshi can love and be proud of. I want Hitoshi to feel like he can brag about having me as a boyfriend.

Maybe it's selfish of me to want him, but if it is then I'm going to be selfish for once in my life, and try my absolute hardest to get what I want.

1490 words.