Need You (ShinDeku)

Ch. 69 - Fine

A/N: uhhh... look, I just wrote and hurt/comfort is what came out, okay?

Trigger warning: paranoia in the dark, crying, you get the picture. Read safely, and of course...
Have fun reading!

Midoriya POV

Hitoshi shifts behind me to lay down, and I follow soon after. There's a quiet yawn from Uraraka and a relaxed exhale from Hitoshi as he settles into a comfortable position.

I lay still and quiet, on my back, until my eyes have adjusted as much as they can to the dark and I'm sure Uraraka and Todoroki should be asleep. It's not usually this dark in Hitoshi's room. Maybe that's because he always left his curtains open just a crack, just enough to let some moonlight in. This darkness reminds me of a particular small dark room with no windows or light, deep underground, more than I'd like to admit.

I try to reason with myself. I've got a nice warm bed, with cozy sheets. Hitoshi is right next to me, just in case anything happens. Tsu and Iida are in the room too. We're on UA grounds. It's nothing like that place.

But Uraraka and Todoroki are in the room with me, and- oh god, they were never in the room with me together back there. The thought makes me feel almost sick. I couldn't do anything against one of them, both together would be... I squeeze my eyes shut tightly. Don't think about it. That's never going to happen. Your friends won't hurt you. My eyes fly open. It almost feels worse when they're shut.

I slowly, carefully, turn onto my side, facing outwards towards the rest of the room, flitting my eyes between the outlines of the two of them. They're your friends, not the fake ones. They won't hurt you.

Regardless, I can't take my eyes off of them. It's safer this way. I can see them, and I can see that they won't hurt me.

My breath catches in my throat when I hear quiet footsteps padding down the hallway, outside the door. The footsteps come and go, fading into silence. It's just a classmate, probably going to get water or something. My eyes flick back to Uraraka and Todoroki, almost expecting them to have moved. I just took a nap with them in the room during lunch today. How is this any different? One of my hands is curled up to my chest and I can feel my heart beating wildly against it, even as I manage to keep my breathing even.

My other hand runs across my arm, feeling each scar. It travels up to my wrist where there are loops of scars from ropes digging into my flesh and it squeezes, but I can barely feel it because of how little control I have over that hand. A sort of desperation claws at me as I wish I could dig my nails in deeper, until it hurt. I just need to feel something. I just... I just- I take in a sharp breath.

Just calm down. I need to sleep so that I can get my energy up for tomorrow. I let out a shuttered breath. Come on. I need to calm down. My eyes dart towards the door and I actually flinch when I see the hoodie hanging on it, my eyes momentarily playing tricks on me. Nobody's there. You're fine. It's harder to let out a normal breath now. I grind my teeth. Please, let me sleep. My eyes flick back to Uraraka and Todoroki. Was Todoroki's hand above the blanket before? It's fine, I remind myself. People move in their sleep. My nails on the hand against my chest dig into my palm nervously.

You're fine. They're your friends. They're not going to hurt you. I bite my lip, swallowing back a whimper. Why does it have to be so dark? My gaze flicks between Todoroki and Uraraka. Tears of frustration and stress come to my eyes. I hate this. Why am I panicking so much?

My eyes dart to the darkest corner of the room, squinting at shadows and movement that aren't even there. They catch the hoodie on the door again. It's so hard to breathe. Panicked, I look back to Uraraka and Todoroki. Just don't take your eyes off of them. They can't hurt you if you see them sleeping.

There's a shift behind me and my mouth immediately opens, for a plead, a scream, a please don't hurt me? I'm not sure, but it dies in my throat when I hear a quiet "Izuku?" That's a safe voice. It belongs to someone who I trust. My hero.

"What's wrong?" He whispers, a safe, comforting hand resting on my shoulder. His hand. I still flinch, and guilt floods me immediately after. He felt it, by the way he pauses for a moment, and I just know he's thinking 'I thought we were past this. I thought you trusted me.'

"You're shaking like a leaf." His voice holds concern, his hand gently coaxing me into my back. I take my eyes off of Uraraka and Todoroki for a moment, fighting to prevent the tears from rolling.

His lilac eyes are harder to make out in the dark, but they're filled with the same concern as his voice.

"Talk to me, Izuku." He sits up, bringing his other hand to cup my cheek. "What's got you so scared?"

My lower lip quivers as I look at him. "I'm sorry," I gasp quietly, bringing a hand up to hold his on my cheek, to ground myself. "I'm sorry. It's just- it's dark and it feels like. Feels like that room." I cut off my breathing for a moment, not wanting to make a sound that will wake anyone up.

"It's okay. Just breathe." He gently instructs.

I nod at him, frantically blinking tears out of my eyes. I glance between Uraraka and Todoroki out of the corner of my eye as I try to quietly get my breathing under control.

"Good. Just like that." He encourages, and I fight not to let those words bring more tears to my eyes. "What else is it?" He asks once I've controlled myself a little. I look again at my two friends.

"Is it because those two are in the room?" He asks quietly, and I nod as he wipes more tears from my eyes.

"Can't...can't look away from them. I know they won't hurt me but-" I cut myself off again, feeling like my voice was too loud.

"It's alright. I know." He comforts.

He reaches over me, grasping the edge of my curtain and tugging just a little, until there's a crack a few inches wide and dim moonlight is spilling in. It illuminates Iida's face slightly, but not enough to wake him. The room suddenly feels more breathable as I can see just a bit better. Todoroki and Uraraka's faces are kind, even in their sleep. My heart is heavy with guilt.

"There." He whispers, almost to himself. Then, he climbs over me, scooting me to the other side of the bed where he was just laying. The bed is warm in his old spot. Now he lays where I just was, cocooning me between the wall and himself. He rolls onto his side to face me, and throws an arm over my waist, sneaking the other one beneath me.

He pulls me tight to his chest, keeping me close to the wall and wrapping himself securely around me.

"There. Now anyone who wants to get to you has to go through me first, and if they try to take you they're not getting you out of my arms without waking me up first." He speaks into the top of my head, and I curl into him, tears soaking my eyes again.

"Thanks. This feels better." I whisper into his chest, leaning into him. It's not long before sleep takes me.

———
Shinso POV

I hold him close to me, trying not to allow my own tears to fall.

"It's gonna be alright, because I'll protect you." I breathe the words into his hair, kissing his sleeping form on the top of his head. "I promise."

1339 words.