Need You (ShinDeku)

Ch. 75 - Uncomfortable

A/N: uhh... time flies, amirite? Anyways, back to the HitoIzu shenanigans.
Have fun reading!

Midoriya POV

     We were caught.

     The good news is that it was Koda who found us smuggling in the goods. We stood facing each other in the hallway, wide-eyed and silent. I held my breath, sure that my heart was beating too hard to be healthy for me. His eyes trailed slowly over the two cats—one stuffed in each of our school jackets—and back to us, hunched over looking like thieves. He said nothing, but gave a single, serious nod, and continued walking down the hallway.

     We both collapsed when the door to our room was safely shut behind us.

     "So...Koda seems nice?" Im sure Hitoshi meant it as a statement but it sounded like a question so I responded with a nod. My heart was beating too hard in my chest for me to say anything. We just snuck cats into the UA dorms.

     "Is he we're safe nice or we should expect staff at our door in the next five minutes nice?"

     "Safe nice?"

     "...Why did you say it like it was a question?"

     "I don't think he'll say anything." I thought about it for a moment. "He's probably done this before." I left out the fact that he probably wouldn't get in trouble for doing so because he could write it off as a quirk thing.

     Hitoshi made a noise of acknowledgment. I guess we'll find out in the next 5 minutes.

     He pulls out a shallow bowl that we snagged from the kitchen on our way up, heading to the bathroom with the big cat. We really needed names to call them. Was it too soon to name them ourselves?

     I followed after with the kitten and shut the door behind me after Hitoshi asked. "That way they won't go running around our room or getting the beds dirty."

     I nodded, finally letting the kitten go to wander around our bathroom. The not-mother cat quickly came to the kitten's side. It was a little cramped with the four of us in here at once, and I sat on the edge of the bath in an attempt to stay out of the way. Hitoshi placed down the freshly filled bowl of water with care, giving each cat a little head scratch. Then he sat next to me on the ledge of the tub, our arms fully pressing against each other.

———
Shinso pov

     Once the two cats were settled and the kitten had started to drink the water, I sat down next to Izuku. I can't believe I almost kissed him earlier. Of course I chickened out because he's still only just recovering from extreme levels of trauma and I don't even know if he likes me, it would have just been wrong, but it looked like he was going to kiss me back. I had watched his wide eyes drop to my lips, and his throat moved as he swallowed. I could have sworn he leaned in just a little bit too, but I pulled away and left him alone on the balcony.

     I felt really guilty about that, especially because I felt like I had almost taken advantage of him and the only reason I stopped myself from doing it was because I got up and left him there. I was probably blowing things way out of proportion anyways, it was unlikely that romance was anywhere near the top of his list to worry about right now. It seemed he was never safe, even when his tormentors were locked securely far away. New problems would just arise, like the one involving the quirk he no longer has. It was reasonable to think he hadn't given a single thought to romance since everything happened and that regardless he wouldn't be interested in me.

     Plus, with what I walked in on the first time I got him away from the league... I wondered if there were things Izuku left out when he retold what happened to him in that basement. That villain had taken so much from him. Did he ever kiss Izuku's lips? Would Izuku be afraid of that kind of innocent affection for the rest of his life?

     Wait... had he been panicking when I almost kissed him? Was he frozen because he was terrified, or reliving a memory? Oh fuck, did I scare him?

     I found myself letting my head fall into my hands as I covered my face, suddenly mortified. How could I do something like that? What the hell was wrong with me?

     "Hitoshi? Are you okay?" His voice was high and concerned. It made me feel even worse.

     "You'd tell me if I did something uncomfortable right?" I don't turn to him or even look up. I don't think I can right now. I honestly think I might get sick at the thought that my almost-kiss with Izuku scared him. Please, please tell me I'm just overthinking the situation.

     Izuku doesn't respond for a long moment. "What do you mean?"

     "If... if I did something that made you uncomfortable, would you tell me? Like, if I said something or touched you in a way that reminded you of something bad. Would you tell me to stop?"

      Again, he takes his time to respond. I feel so much at once, it's like a single emotion but it encompasses all sorts of shame, guilt, regret and fear. It manifests physically and I feel hot, tense, and nauseous. My fingers will shake if I pull them from my face. The area behind my eyes stings. Why couldn't I hold myself back from almost kissing him?

     "It depends, I think. If I think I can handle it then I won't tell you because I want to get better, and I know you would never hurt me. Hitoshi... I don't want to keep being scared. If I am scared then I want to face it instead of running away. But if it's ever too much then I... I'll tell you. Okay?"

     So he'd let me kiss him if it made him scared, disgusted even? Would he just allow me to do that even if he had no interest in me, just to try to get over it? The feeling that comes with that knowledge is a bit like horror, and I really do feel like I might get sick. A kiss shouldn't be 'handled', it should be something you want. If this is the way you want to think about it, then I won't ever press my lips on yours, Izuku. Your trust in me is undeserved.

     I let out a breath as I nodded, and it came out shaky. While my hands were already by my face I tried to discreetly wipe my eyes, but really there was no point. He definitely already knew how wrecked I looked, all because of one stupid thought. One little mistake. An almost-kiss.

     A warm arm draped over my rounded back, pulling gently until my head rested against his chest, which he had turned to face me. One of my arms wrapped loosely around his lower back.

     "I'm sorry. I guess I got too worried." I try my best to play it off, to sound like I'm relieved by his words. I should be glad that he's going to tell me when something is too much.

     "I'm sorry I worry you, Hitoshi."

     "No. Don't apologize." I cling tighter to Izuku.

     His quiet laugh temporarily fills the room, and he holds me a little closer too. I don't want to break the silence but I have to.

     "I'm serious though. Please, tell me if I ever do something and it's too much. Or if I already have. I want to know. And don't apologize for anything that happened to you."

     "Okay, then don't apologize for being such a good... friend. You mean so much to me." He sounded unsure of his words. I noticed his heartbeat then, pounding against his chest, felt against my face. It was fast.

     "You mean a lot to me too. I-" I paused and thought carefully about my next words, not wanting to say something that I would regret. "-I really care about you. That's why I worry so much."

     I love you Izuku, so I'll act like everything is okay and I'll be a good friend to you.

Izuku POV
A few hours later

     "...so, how are we supposed to get the cats back out of the dorms?" In response to Hitoshi's question I gave him a nervous look, not knowing what to say. I hadn't thought that far ahead.

     "Same way we got them in?" Hitoshi narrows his eyes at my response.

     "Seeing as no teachers are here lecturing us and we've not been suspended for our last week of school, should we ask Koda?" He suggests, and I find myself nodding slowly.

     "That would be wise."

1478 words.