Need You (ShinDeku)

Ch. 14 - Research

A/N: aww, Shinso's being responsible. He doesn't really know what he's doing but he's trying his best because he wants to support Midoriya the best he can.

Trigger warning:
Mentions of PTSD and panic attacks. I won't be putting warnings in this one because it's more of a discussion of these topics than them actually happening, and it takes up most of the chapter.
Have fun reading!

Shinso POV

     Once I'm finally able to calm Midoriya down after a few more minutes in the hallway I take him to recovery girl's office, despite his protests. He needs rest, and somewhere quiet.

When we arrive at her office I explain what happened to him and recovery girl is more than happy to let us stay here. I asked if I should go back to class but she said that Aizawa contacted her to let her know that I shouldn't leave his side.

     She explained that he might freak out if he woke up in a hospital-style room and I wasn't there to help him calm down like last time.

He passes out right away, not even listening to our conversation, and I'm left sitting on a stool next to the bed while recovery girl goes out for her lunch break.

I try not to stare at him but end up doing so anyways as soft breaths pass through his lips. I notice that his lower lip hasn't been healing and stare at it worriedly. I did catch him biting it out of nervousness a few times this morning, he probably made it worse on accident.

Sighing, I pull out my phone. If I'm gonna take care of him I need to make sure that I don't mess up and make things worse at some point. Last night after Midoriya fell asleep I did some research on how to help people when they're having a PTSD related panic attack, because I assumed that's what happened the first time he woke up in the hospital.

That's how I was able to handle him when he panicked in class. Obviously my natural instinct was to reach out to him for comfort but the second he flinched away, curling further into himself, I felt a pang of guilt in my chest.

That night I had read that for some people physical touch helped them feel more grounded and in the moment so they could calm down, but for many others, it just made everything worse. One of the articles suggested asking the person questions that were unrelated to whatever was triggering them, just simple things that don't take too much effort to answer, to get their mind off of whatever is happening.

I tried that because I wasn't sure what else to do and I was sort of panicking myself, and it seemed to help after a while. I've never dealt with anything like this before and I'm not good with emotions, so I'm glad I could at least do something. I should probably try talking to him about it later so we can discuss the best way for me to help him.

Of course, I'm not sure exactly what happened to him while he was kidnapped, and he doesn't seem anywhere near ready to have that conversation, but I have no idea what his triggers are or what I should avoid doing to make him uncomfortable.

I know large groups of people make him uncomfortable, as well as Todoroki and Uraraka. Something bakugo did made it worse, maybe the yelling? And also unexpected physical contact. He seems to be okay with it and maybe even in favor of it when he knows it's coming and who it is. That's about all I know.

Maybe I should research common triggers for people with PTSD? Or maybe how to comfort someone? I should ask him if he feels comfortable with me using my quirk on him if I think he's about to have a panic attack. It seems pretty invasive, and more of a last resort type of thing, but he didn't seem upset or scared when I freaked out and used it on him in the hospital.

I start searching the web for (hopefully) reputable sources that can give me some idea on how to take care of this boy.

-30 mins later-

Midoriya mumbled something in his sleep that I couldn't quite make out and shook his head as if in protest, before promptly waking up and looking around.

His eyes settled on me and he let out a shaky breath.

"Can I... can I hold your hand?" He sounded so vulnerable as he stuck his hand out, palm up, on the bed in front of me.

Who am I to say no to him?

I reached out and encased his hand in mine, giving it a small squeeze. His hand stays limp in my own, and I realize it's the one he can't move.

"Hey Shinso? Do... do you know what happened to um, to the guys who..." understanding dawns on me when he makes eye contact with me.

"Yeah, actually. They're all detained at the moment. I'm pretty sure some of them are being questioned under tight security right now but they'll all be going to prison."

His face melts into one of relief and his previously tense body relaxes further into the bed.

"Thank you." He reaches up to wipe his eyes with his good hand before the tears can fall down his face.

"You know it's alright to cry, right? It doesn't make you any weaker or anything."

"I know, but I've just, I've cried so much already, a-and I just want it to be over." He hiccups, and it's as if the floodgates have opened. I watch as he desperately tries and fails to keep the tears in that are streaming down his face.

"Shhhhh, it's okay, come here." I say, holding my arms open awkwardly. After a few moments of hesitation he slowly sits up and leans over into my arms. I wrap myself around him and pat his back awkwardly as I whisper things like it's alright and let it out.

His tears soak through my shirt which I know he'll unnecessarily apologize for later. I rest my chin lightly on the top of his head and decide to enjoy this contact while I can. I don't really do hugs because I thought they were dumb and awkward but this is kind of nice, despite the circumstances.

1013 words.