Need You (ShinDeku)

Ch. 89 - Love

A/N: wow... nobody told me that my chapter title for 88 was a literal typo. I swear I know how to spell spiraling, I'm good at the English language. Sort of.

Trigger warning: I figured I should tell you if it wasn't already obvious that Shinso is in a lot of distress right now, and this chapter he continues to label himself as a bad person over something that he can't even control, which is most definitely not his fault. Uhhh, yeah. Don't do this to yourself. Be smarter than him. As always,
Have fun reading!

Shinso POV

     "Take your time." Even as he says it he slips his phone halfway out of his pocket to check the time before sliding it back in. As much as it was probably meant to be discreet, I notice out of the corner of my blurry eyes.

     "I'm sorry," I tell him, with as steady a voice as I can muster.

     "I'm not sure what you're apologizing for, kid. You gonna tell me what's going on?" His attention is clearly solely focused on me, and it makes it that much harder to keep it together.

     The only solution I see to this issue is to tell him, and the longer I drag it out the harder it gets.

     "...I like Izuku. I'm sorry. Your husband- he knows, he said it was okay, that my feelings were fine, but-" my speech flows out faster, words closer together and I'm running out of breath, I'm starting to act like Izuku whenever he's overwhelmed... or excited. I don't have time to dwell on whether his mannerisms are starting to rub off on me, theres more important topics and.... Feelings to be focused on right now.

     "I'm so gross, I'm sorry. I won't do anything about it. I won't. I'm not gonna take advantage of the situation or try to make him like me or anything, I promise." I pause again to take in a shuddering breath, turning towards my mentor. The next words that leave my mouth are ones that I regret as they flow out, but I can't stop now that I've started. The weight on my chest is slowly, slowly lifting, not fast enough, replaced by fear that grows so much faster. It's nice to get it out but the consequences, the other people knowing, scares me.

     "But it hurts. Is it supposed to hurt? I can't focus and it's hard to breathe around him, and I'm sick with worry all the time. For him and his safety, and what would happen if he found out I felt like this. It goes away, right? I thought it would go away, but it's getting worse. Liking him is- it's so scary." I have to pull my hands away from where they're clasped at my chest. It's okay, you can breathe. I feel like I need to remind myself of that fact.

     "Kid, you gotta calm down."

     "But it's so stressful-"

     "I know. I know it's stressful, and it hurts, but it doesn't need to, okay?" He said it with such confidence that I almost believed him.

     "There's nothing wrong with you, and you're not gross," he ran a hand stressfully through his hair, "Are you worried that Izuku can't make his own decisions or doesn't know how to tell if he likes someone because of what he's been through? It sounds like you think you're gonna trick him into liking you." His words sounded condescending and it made me feel even more guilty. When he puts it like that...

     "I feel like I'm taking advantage of-" I try to explain, but I'm cut off.

     "Are you manipulating him? Are you hurting him? Are you pretending to be somebody you're not in order to 'deceive' him?"

     "Well, I-"

     "No. You're not, kid. You don't even have it in you. Now listen to me. Izuku feels emotions very strongly. I've at least gotten to know him long enough that I can say he knows his own emotions very well, and he won't be emotionally deceived by someone who isn't even trying to do so. He's been through a lot, but he's perfectly capable of understanding his own thoughts and feelings, and he knows how to say no when he doesn't want something."