Youforia [N.H]

12

Aycie Locke

June 21st, tour busses.

After some consideration I decided I'd join the tour crews bus today and swap over at the rest point half way there to work on some songs with the band. I think a part of me was getting used to not being completely isolated and I started to feel less unbearable around everyone, I was thinking I could maybe get to at least know some of the crew. That was one of the reasons I made this decision, the other reason being I wanted the band to be able to have time to themselves and not have me there all the time, so it was a win win scenario.

Sleeping on a bus is weird, it took some getting used to, but i don't think I'm used to this yet. I could feel the vibrations of the wheels making friction with the concrete road through the thin mattress that was very narrow. Having gus with me made it a little more bearable though because he was like a piece of home, maybe if I scrunch my eyes shut enough he will make me feel like I'm on my own super comfy mattress.

We had been on here for a few hours now, it was 4am in the morning meaning we still had 10 hours of travelling yet until we reached California. I still can't believe I'm going there, I have no idea what to expect but just being able to say I've been is a huge deal to me.

Out of boredom I decided to ring my grandma, it should be morning in London by now, and she had told me to update her on how it was going as she gave me her phone number.

"Grandma?" I ask into the phone as the buzzing had silenced.

"Aycie darling, how are you?" I can hear her caring nature hugging my heart through the phone, I'm still getting used to this whole family thing.

"I'm great actually, I'm on a bed in a tour bus right now, we have to travel 15 hours to California."

"I can't imagine that's very comfortable."

"No it's really not, but the hotels we are staying at are super nice and they make up for it, how are you, grandad and tigger?" I ask, I really wanted to have tigger with me sleeping at the foot of this bed.

"Well Tigger was scared at first but he's been playing with all the other cats and he's been eating a lot. I think he misses you. Me and grandad are wonderful, we've seen videos of the boys on the news this morning, the crowd is huge, you didn't tell me they were that big."

"Yeah it's insane, I was off to the side of the stage last night and I thought I was going deaf by the volume of it" I smile as I think about tigger having some friends of the same species to play with, I hope he was having a good time.

"And you wrote those songs?" She asks

"I didn't write all of them, I wrote 8 of them but I will be writing their whole album, it's what I've been payed for" I explain.

"If it's one song or one hundred songs, I'm super proud of you, you're making a really amazing life for yourself considering the cards you were dealt" those words sent a pang straight through my chest I could feel my throat tightening at the unfamiliar words that I would of died to hear growing up, but I told myself I wasn't worthy of hearing it, I made myself believe no one could ever feel anything but sorry for me.

"Really?"

"Of course, don't be silly, I've always been proud of you Ace, even the years we couldn't see you, we always thought about you."

"But why didn't you ever come see me if you thought about me, I was only an hour and a half away" I felt a single tear threaten to fall down my cheek, over the years I'd perfected the art of silent crying, I could have a whole metal breakdown and you wouldn't even hear me sniffle or breathe once.