Youforia [N.H]

27

Aycie Locke

June 28th, Las Vegas

I officially felt so depressed, yet I've never felt more alive until now.

Maybe it's because I actually have an active reason to be feeling depressed.

And maybe I feel so alive because I almost died.

I admit that I had cried earlier this morning after waking up to see Niall sleeping so perfectly beside to me, it wasn't so much about everything that had happened after hearing my dad on the other side of that room being violent and unhinged, we all agreed to forget about that, I mean it did upset me but I was pushing it away somewhere deep inside of me where I hid everything I knew I never wanted to confront.

But it was just thinking about being so close to my dad in those few seconds between my hotel room and the elevator door, he was inches away from me.

He told me he was proud of me.

I knew he would be proud of me but him confirming it made it feel painful, I wanted to be able to give him the biggest hug and never let him go, and I was worried I'd never get the chance again.

When Niall had woke up we just laid there for a while in complete silence, I watched as his chest heaved up and down slowly as he twirled his fingers through the strands of my hair, I held Gus close up to me under my chin as I curled my legs up to my chest.

I also noticed that I had woken up in clean clothes that were soft against my skin and my hair was loose, my memory is a little blurred but I don't think any amount of intoxication could have me forgetting the events of last night.

On top of that I was in pain, a headache bugged my brain as my hand and throat felt sore and tender, I always felt like physical pain made me feel mentally worse.

"Are you ok?" He mumbles as he keeps his eyes trained on mine that now looked straight ahead of me blankly as my mind was feeling finished.

"Was yesterday really messed up? Or am I being emotional?" I ask quietly not changing my expression once.

"I wouldn't be surprised if you decided to leave the tour after it, you're not just being emotional it was fucked up" he assures me as I keep staring ahead, I was in that state of mind where looking into someone's eyes would make me feel too vulnerable.

"I don't want to leave " I shake my head, this job is literally my dream.

"Is there anything I can do to make you happy again?" He whispers.

"I just want to see my dad, even if it's only one time" I answer knowing it was out of his hands, only my dad could fix this.

"You know that if he knows you're on this tour then he knows where you are, chances are that if he wants to see you this bad he won't just give up on you."

"We're about to go to a meeting to basically stop him from seeing me" I mumble hugging Gus closer to me as I speak the painful truth.

"If he ever comes back I'll personally make sure he gets to you."

"You really mean that?" I ask a little optimism in my voice to make myself sound less depressed.

"Of course" he nods.

"Last night you told me you were writing a surprise song for me" he smiles his fingers moving from my hair to my cheek.

"You weren't meant to know about that, it's a surprise" I shake my head.

"Can I just have a glimpse?"

"No, but it's not for the band to sing it's for me to sing and that's all I'll tell you" I answer.