Youforia [N.H]

34

Niall Horan

July 11th, New Orleans.

It's been 10 days since me and Aycies date and things have been going really good.

It was hard for the first few days however, because of the conversation we had that night on the tour bus where I was far too vulnerable, it scared me a bit.

I admittedly was a little drunk and tired and the walls I had put up were very easily broken down. But that's not Aycies fault.

A part of me is glad though, I don't think I regret it happening because I feel like I have another level of understanding with Aycie now. I was scared she'd start treating me strangely but she's just been acting like her normal self which has made me feel better, I just had to get myself through the first few days without feeling like a nuisance to her.

She told me I was a good person, for those few moments I let myself feel comforted by the words but I knew I couldn't let it last. There's things I've done that I can't tell her, I don't think she understands just how much I've truly hurt some people, I didn't want to but I had no choice, I just needed to defend myself I didn't want all of this trouble.

Everyday it feels like I'm being fucked with, it makes me feel so angry that I was forced to be the bad guy in all of this. I feel like I never even got a chance to prove myself, my family didn't believe me when I told them what happened because all they see in me is a boy who is irrational and violent, I loved them all so much and I thought they loved me too.

Stupid fucking love, it always ends with pain.

Things have been incredibly busy though, We've announced the release date of the single 'one thing' and we've had multiple interviews scheduled, we've already done two, a radio interview and a prerecorded tv one. We still have one more until before the songs released and it's a live tv one, that's tomorrow.

I don't really like the interviews but so far they've been tame. We've been given scripts with all the questions they ask before hand so we have time to prepare answers. A lot of the questions were about our love life's instead of the actual single which just felt really fucking weird when we were being asked by middle aged men and women. But it was easy to lie to them because I don't think it's anyone's business what happens in my so called 'love life'.

I managed to mention Aycie in one of the interviews and got to say that she was writing the album.

Sometimes I felt like proud parent and I just wanted people to know how amazing she was, basically all of the attention is on the band, and I notice when I'm scrolling through twitter sometimes that people think we're writing the songs, it's annoying because everyday I see Aycie with her head glued to that notebook of hers, keeping up with all the request we shoot her way. She spends hours upon hours on them and I've had to drag ber away from it when she started skipping meals to "just finish this one line", numerous occasions I ended up carrying her out of hotel rooms, locking her out and stealing her key card so she couldn't get her book, it was funny seeing her get all riled up over it but she always gave up after a few minutes.

I myself have been trying to write a song but I just can't find the words that go together. I don't even know what to write about. It's driven me insane, one night I sat down and turned my phone off, sitting on the desk with the notebook I bought trying so hard to at least write one lyric.

I took me an hour and three broken pens to give up.

Louis took both of our stitches out; Aycies were taken out a few days after mine but we'd both healed up well and the physical reminders of that god damn awful day we're starting to fade away.