Youforia [N.H]

14

Aycie Locke

June 22nd, San Francisco

I had tried my best the last day to be by myself as much as possible, i slept the rest of the way to San Francisco, I did go to the show but I made sure I went straight back to my hotel room afterwards, I had a pretty chill night, I stood in the shower for about an hour before I fell asleep watching adventure time.

After the show last night the band had gone out somewhere, I wasn't sure where exactly but there were pictures of them out together all over their Twitter and Instagram accounts. The show itself was amazing, just like the last one and they still insisted on crediting me half way through the performance in front of everyone, it made me feel so embarrassed.

It seems like the last few days all I've been able to think about is Niall. It started after what happened at the bar the first night we arrived, the whole dancing thing where he practically glued me to the back of him, and then I fucking looked into his eyes for so long, that part made me physically want to scream and die when I thought about it, I can't believe I let my guard down so easily, I didn't look people in the eye for a reason, it puts me in a position where I'm completely vulnerable and I wasn't prepared to just let him see that after I only knew him a month.

And then there was yesterday which was what had been playing on my mind ever since, we were full on fighting over some cookies and then he just switched and had me obliging to everything he said because I felt so guilty, but he didn't have any malicious intentions, it was weird because normally I was the one making him look after himself, I'm so used to looking after everyone else's needs that when someone actually showed an ounce of care for me it completely stunned me.

But it was what he said right before he left that I couldn't shake no matter how hard I tried. "It's okay to be angry Ace, you have a lot to be angry about"

Ive been trying to figure out what he meant by that, but I just couldn't. It wasn't okay for me to get angry at him like that when he was trying to look after me, and how could I have a lot to be angry about? I understand I probably have alot to be upset about but not angry, I wasn't an angry person.

I just felt like an interaction with him right now was the worst idea so today i'd spent every hour since I woke up writing, and I'd wrote a lot. I guess I was trying to make up for my lack of work on the bus yesterday. The album was going really good, before we left I told each of the boys to give me a request, I had all of them in the works, apart from zayn's and Louis, they were very near done. my plan is to write a load of songs and then let the band pick which ones they like the most to go on the album so they can give it their own personal touch and have a little more control over it, my job was just taking their ideas and stories and putting them into a song.

In a way this had me getting very personal with a few of them. They had told me about some pretty bad past relationships and memories and it felt a little invasive but at the same time It was like a way for them to express themselves, to say goodbye to those relationships and memories in a way they could feel positive about.

It was around 5pm now and I had not left the comfort of my hotel room all day, I ordered room service a few hours ago and had French toast and made sure I drunk water, if it wasn't for the abrupt knocking on my door I'm sure I would have stayed there, I groan to myself and drag myself away from the notebook that had me so captivated

I opened the door to see no other than Harry, smiling with a squarish bottle of vodka gripped infront of him

"Are you avoiding us?" He cheers, almost taunting me with the way he said it.