Youforia [N.H]

41

Niall Horan

22nd July, Miami.

It's been exactly a week and I don't know what else I can do. it's been rough, way worse than rough. It's been terrible.

Ace hasn't been the same since that day, well she's barely even been a human at all. She hasn't left our bedroom, she hasn't eaten anything at all, I'm starting to notice that her clothes are getting baggier and baggier on her. Those clothes being the same ones that she was wearing seven days ago. She only ever leaves the bed to go to the bathroom, I thought after a day or so of her shutting off she'd come back to life maybe, but everyday she wakes up and sits on the bed with her notebook on her lap.

I think she's almost written the album with the amount of time she's spent writing. I think it's her way of coping but she's spent over 70 hours writing now.

Seventy fucking hours.

She hasn't called her dad, she hasn't initiated any form of communication with anyone. I've tried getting every single person in this penthouse to go and talk to her but they leave five minutes later and tell me she really didn't want to talk to them.

Except Harry and Summer, they both stayed with her for a few hours. I don't know what was said but they told me she seemed to cheer up a bit. I know Harry would have been using jokes to cheer her up and I think that's what she needed.

The day Summer spent a good few hours with her was the day she seemed to be at her best though, her best being her leaving the bed and sitting at the desk instead as she kept her head buried in that book.

She seemed to be okay around me. She'd talk to me and I on average cracked maybe one smile out of her a day. I brought her food, I cut up peaches, I tried making her a new birthday cake, I tried making pancakes, I also brought her every snack I could think of. I thought that if I could just find something that she couldn't resist then I'd get her to eat. I'd always leave the food with her but at the end of the day it would be untouched.

I'm really worried. I'm worried sick.

Ever since we had that conversation a week ago her nightmares have gotten worse, every other night she wakes up hyperventilating. I'm used to her waking up and being fidgety in her sleep but this is on a whole another level of panic compared to that. I'm a light sleeper so they wake me up pretty much every time and considering my arm is around her, the amount she starts moving around is normally what has me waking up. It's hard to calm her down from them, she normally doesn't go back to sleep but assures me I can. Sometimes I felt bad going back to sleep but I was really tired, I'd always stay up with her for an hour afterwards just to be sure she was okay though.

I spent a fair bit of time with her in the bedroom every day, but I couldn't stay in there all day. I'd stay all day if she asked me to but she told me it was okay to leave. I managed to get everyone out a few times, we went out to the beach or we went to a bar. I still wanted everyone to enjoy their break, I just really fucking missed Aycie being there. I know she would have had fun if she was feeling like herself. I just want to hear her laugh again, nothing made me happier than seeing her laugh, it was the happiest sound I'd ever heard in my life and I just want to hear it once more.

I crave it like a drug, I crave her happiness like a drug. I'm trying everything I can to get her back but she seems so lost.

I walk back downstairs with the full plate of food in my hand. I tried ordering her pasta today, I sat with her for half an hour begging her just to eat one bite but she stayed still, not using fork I had placed in her hand. I tried manually getting her to eat by directing her hand to the plate and stabbing a piece of it and bringing it back up but she ended up forcing the fork down completely. She wouldn't stop apologising to me either, she apologised to me a hundred times a day and it was breaking me. She told me she hated what was happening to her and she wanted to come out and enjoy her life with the rest of us, but then she told me something that's just been stuck in my head ever since.