Impress Me Not: Neon Underground

Chapter 34

The waves crashed onto the beach. It was a high tide right then. That was the closest the water was to his house. Of course, eventually a storm might take the house out, but that's what insurance was for, and Mateo made sure to get the best kind.

He wanted to think about nothing again. He wanted his thoughts to be blank, just like they were before. And sometimes his mind was blank. Sometimes the waves would help. He liked watching the ocean. His family always said that he was weird, because every time they were at a beach he would just sit down and watch the waves.

They weren't here then though. No one was. Mateo liked it that way.

Well, he kind of did. There was still a feeling of loneliness that he felt. That wasn't his usual need to be around people, though. He didn't wish for a crowd of people to be there. He just wanted one person in specific to join him. The only one that seemed to care about him.

Care was a strong word for it. After all, the man said that he didn't really care about his thoughts or opinions on certain things. But Mateo wasn't sure if that was just because of what he had gone to visit him for or whether he actually didn't care.

He got food for him though. He didn't expect Mateo to even pay. Then he fed him. Like, he actually fed him. Mateo hadn't had anyone do that. There was maybe one or two times when someone fed him like a chocolate covered strawberry or something like that, but nothing like a whole ass meal. Others would probably think that was weird, but Mateo thought it was nice. It felt like he cared for him.

Or he was just trying to do something nice for him because he sucked him off for four hours straight.

Look. Either way, it was nice. And if he didn't care, he might not have even gotten him food after the fact. The ones who just care about sex are like that. Mateo had some people who were. That was why he always liked getting food afterwards, or after a night of drinking. If they weren't going to care enough to get food, then at least he would have some.

Wait. Would he really not care if he let Mateo crash at his place that one night when they got drunk? He even made sure his car was there. Mateo barely remembered that morning. Most of it was just him staring at the man's bare chest and neck.

He still didn't get how that was turning him on so much. People who dressed modestly weren't exactly his thing, but that opinion was quickly changing.

Mateo didn't like thinking this much most of the time. Thinking too deeply always brought up bad memories and emotions. He would rather keep floating on the surface of his mind. It wasn't like the ocean, his mind. When you dive into the ocean, you can see so many wonders and colors, fish and sharks. Some of them are dangerous, but even the dangerous are beautiful in their own way.

His mind wasn't like that. Diving into his mind always left him feeling suffocated. He stopped trying to figure out where all those emotions were coming from a long time ago.

They were thoughts that haunted him. Mateo never thought he would ever be able to put it to words. Melvin had it right all along. He wished he knew what haunted him though. Mateo would rather think about him than anything else right then.

They had spent the whole night in that office. It eventually turned sexual again, but he was pretty sure Melvin waited until their food settled to start it again. It was weird to think about having to wait for their stomachs to settle to start getting tied up and beat, but it worked. He didn't throw up or anything, after all.

And he was still pushed to his limit.

Out of all the other methods he tried to calm himself down, things that he had done his whole life, Mateo was surprised that the only thing that was working now was nights with this man. He really tried everything. He worked out, he tried to give himself some time in silence. The only thing that worked was a man tying him up and pouring hot wax on him.