Belladonna | 18 +

Forty three | Flowers & questions

It's been a week since I've seen Kira and I'll admit, it's breaking me just a little.

Except this time, instead of the wrong reasons for not seeing each other, it's the right ones. I've had exams and that's stressful. I wanted to see Kira more than just from a seat in her class but she insisted the distance was better so I could study more.

She was right but I hated not seeing her one-on-one. And almost every lecture she looks so good, I get this overwhelming urge to just rip her clothes off and lay her back.

But I keep myself calm and settle for the usual goodnight text.

On a lighter note, Christmas break is only one week away, and my birthday is three weeks away. I really can't be happier than I am right now.

And Kira and I have a date tonight. This is the highlight of my day. Earlier this week, Kira sent me flowers with a card that simply said Date On Friday? 8 pm? Meet me at my place. I blushed hard and immediately put the flowers in water while Ava grabbed a shoe box and said it was the first thing I could add to the memory box.

When I asked her what the hell a memory box was, she explained it's a collection of all the things Kira will get me so one day I can look back on it all and still have trinkets of the important days—every day.

I placed the little card in the box but not without thinking of a few things.

The thought of thinking of me and Kira long term felt good but it also brought worry to me. On one hand; Kira and I weren't dating, she wasn't my girlfriend and I wasn't hers.

Us long term felt unreachable. Realistically it is unreachable. She's my professor and I'm her student, it's all fun and games now but what about when the dean or administrators get word of us by accident?

Does her job get threatened? I lose my scholarship and my chance at graduating? I didn't like those odds.

But on the other hand; Dating Kira made my heart jump. I felt like somehow we could make it work, if we tried hard enough, it would work.

I'm in college and an adult, she's an adult, technically we're two adults consenting to a relationship and there was nothing bad about that.

The simple thoughts I'd begun having of her being mine and me getting to call her my girlfriend—my first girlfriend, made me feel good.

Deep inside, I wished it would happen but I wasn't going to be the one to make any rash decisions. I'd hate to put my heart out there and then have it broken by the only girl I've ever liked.

I wasn't ready to go through that.

"Okay, are you ready for today's set of exams?" Ava asked me as we got ready to leave. "I'm scared shitless but I know they'll go well." She sighed.

"You're gonna be good Ava," I said with a smile. "I'm as ready as I can be and I'm sure they'll all pass smoothly." I crossed my fingers.

"Yeah," she said with a sigh. "I will let you know how the rest of exams went while you get ready for tonight." She said. "I feel like it's bad that I'm more excited than you for tonight."

I chuckled. "You're living vicariously." I shrugged.

She let out an excited gasp and smiled at me. "You know what you should do tonight? Ask her to be your girlfriend officially."

"Absolutely not," I said.

"Why? You're basically dating already just ask her officially since she's made all the first moves this far."

"No way," I said with an airy chuckle. "I'm not putting my heart on the line just for it to be broken."

"Come on, she's not gonna say no," Ava said as we walked out the door.