Belladonna | 18 +

Seventy five | Don't do this to me & maybe this is better

✺ Birdie's POV ✺

✺ 4 months later ✺

It's April and so much has happened. I'm honestly better than I've ever been. I of course miss Kira but focusing on myself has been amazing.

I've gotten to know myself even more and fully learned things I didn't even know I wanted to know about myself. It's been one hell of a ride.

The holidays to start with were hard. Once Kira and I decided on a break, I broke down for the next three weeks. I stopped going to classes and felt like I was dying in the inside.

I didn't understand why she wanted the break. I knew I wasn't losing her but a part of me felt like I was. I hated the feeling.

But Ivan and Ava consoled me and helped me process everything that was going on. They helped me make sense of why she wanted the break, I was falling apart and I didn't even know it.

My grades were failing and so were my friendships. I failed to see that but Kira did, it's why she suggested the break.

I also had time to figure out why I was so hellbent on spending so much time with Kira. A part of me felt like if we didn't spend the moments we did finally have free together, I was going to lose her. That couldn't have been further from the truth because at the end of all this when I graduated she was going to be mine again.

But, in the month leading up to our break, I spent so much time with her that it was probably suffocating her.

It definitely was but she just never said anything so I never knew.

After I figured that out. I got my life together. I did everything I could to not think about her so much.

I started running again and that helped massively, I even roped Ava into a few runs with me. They helped her not think of Nadia so much when things weren't going well for them before they became girlfriends.

Amid my own issues, Ava and Nadia got together. Nadia's girlfriend's proposal was straight out of a dream. It was so fairytale-like.

I was incredibly happy for them because they deserve it more than anyone I know.

Kira and I had six weeks together in Italy during the summer and that was magical, we caught up on so much, I told her how I was doing and she said she was in the process of getting a new job but she didn't want to jinx it or get either of our hopes up, so she wasn't saying too much about it.

Once we had our official "second first" kiss everything felt like it went back to normal, I had my girlfriend back and I wouldn't have wanted it any other way.

At least until we had to say goodbye again, the whole plane ride back to California, I cried. My heart couldn't take it and before my senior year of college started I was too broken to even go.

I thought about texting her a few times after she'd sent me a few little messages for good luck in the first days back and little notes of "I love yous," but I never responded. It hurt too much so I came up with the no-contact thing for us.

At the end of the day if we were going to do it we needed to do it right.

That year during Christmas I spent it with Ava's family and they were so welcoming and kind, even if they didn't need to be. And for New Year's we both traveled to New York. Ava went with Nadia and I went to see my family and spent the holidays with my best friends.

It's also when I found out that Kira moved to the Hamptons and was a department head at my old high school alongside Valentina who's still the vice principal. I was happy for her but I didn't want to know more than I needed to, it was okay at first because Letty and Zoë never let anything slip up.