Belladonna | 18 +

Thirty | favourite person & surprises

Authors Note: hi loves, I just want to make it clear that this chapter has a very detailed and descriptive representation of domestic violence & panic attacks. This is relevant to the storyline but I care more for your mental health than you reading this so please if this is something you can't read skip to the part of the chapter where Kira's POV begins. that'll be the end of the descriptive scene. Please do take care of yourself and not read this part because I know it can be very triggering to some.

I love you all soooo muchhh <3
-lovingfemmes

I'm finally going back to California today. A piece of me is sad to go but a much larger part of me is ready to get back. I miss the warmness and my apartment. I miss Ava and Ivan.

And Kira.

I miss her more than I care to admit.

Of course we spend time on the phone together or spend hours having endless conversations that just flow. Sometimes it's over nothing but the simple fact of how we can do something together or it's something meaningful.

Whatever it may be, none of it actually beats being in her arms. I miss her placing soft kisses to my lips and the way she'd hold me when we're alone. I miss the feeling of wholeness I felt with her.

With her I never felt like I was incomplete or missing a piece of me.

Which seems crazy to say since it's only been two months of us doing whatever this is and it's not like we're officially dating or anything but she makes me feel different, like no man ever has.

I was packing the rest of my things as best as I could and finally switched my speaker off.

Doing anything without music for me is like having nails drag on a chalkboard. I'm one of those people who prefers to have music with everything I'm doing instead of the dead silence. If I'm doing it with a friend, we'll listen to music together. If I'm doing it by myself, I'll queue my favourite songs and go about my task.

If there's anything I take more seriously than my work and grades, it's music.

Finally now that music was no longer blaring through my room, I could hear the faint noises downstairs.

At first I didn't pay it any mind and just assumed it was Emerson talking to my mom. So I continued to put my things away. However once I heard the sound of glass shatter, I thought differently.

I cracked my door slightly to hear my father shouting. And the weak feeble cries of my mother. I hated being home for these moments.

Almost instantly my body froze, my heart sank and I could feel my stomach swirl in anxiety.

It'd been a moment since I'd felt like this. Not since my senior year of high school.

The week my best friend and I began drifting apart because I couldn't contain my own hurt and felt angry at the world.

I still harbour the resentment to myself for saying that to Letty. There's nothing so traumatic in your life that could be happening, it's not like your mom came back. I'll always remember that and still feel like shit for saying it.

I had my own issues and needed her but she also clearly needed someone. I hate that we couldn't have been there for each other and I turned to just hurting her even more.

They'll never be a proper excuse for that.

The shouting intensified and a sense of worry and fear swirled within me. I didn't like this feeling. I knew if it was mom now it's me next. For what? I don't know but there's always something.