Fanning the Flames of Rebellion [A Lunar Chronicles Fanfic]

Chapter 46

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So this is what it feels like, Cinder thought. This is what it feels like to have your heart broken. The only thing that made me truly human, shattered into millions of pieces. Losing Peony was painful, like a dagger to my heart. But this is a completely different feeling. It's like someone reached into your body, ripped out your heart, and shredded it.

Sometimes you think it can't get any worse, but it does. The feeling doesn't die off, it doesn't dissipate. It haunts you. Everywhere you look, hiding around the corners, lurking in your shadows, watching you sleep. The feeling fills your dreams with horrifying scenes, creating images and visions of something-- someone-- who isn't there anymore.

And it slowly drives you insane.

So this is how it feels to have your heart broken.

After that, you stop feeling all together. You're numb. You can't feel your legs moving, arms holding, eyes blinking, mouth smiling. Because the heartache still lingers, it seals your mouth closed, stations your legs, binds your arms, and glues your eyes shut.

So this is what it feels like to have your heart broken.

You begin to hate yourself. Hate yourself for letting go. I could have held on you think. I could have fixed this you cry out to no one.

So this is how it feels to have your heart broken.

That's another thing. You have no one. No one can ever understand the amount of pain you suffer when you have to wake up in the morning and immediately feel heartbroken. No matter how many I know how you feels or I know it's hard nows you get, no one will ever know. They'll all say It'll be okay, but you know it won't, they know it won't, everyone knows it won't. It'll never get better. Heartbreak doesn't work that way.

So this is how it feels to have your heart broken.

Heart break easily ranks #1 on the world's most painful feelings. It passes being shot through the head, stabbed in the chest, and drowning by a landslide. Because it combines all three feelings. It makes you lose your mind, it breaks the only wall that protects your heart, and takes the air from your lungs.

So this is how it feels to have your heart broken.

Why am I doing this to myself?

Love is dangerous. It chews you up, and spits you out. When you love someone, you do anything for them, anything to keep them safe. Fight off the things that hurt them. Make the widest gap between them and the bad as possible.

Even if the thing that puts them in danger is yourself.

So this is how it feels to have your heart broken.

I chose to protect the ones I love. I chose to break my own heart, in order to save their's.

So this is how it feels to have your heart broken.

Thorne,
I love you

Cress,
I love you

Wolf,
I love you

Winter,
I love you

Iko,
I love you, more than you will ever know

Kai,
I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I miss you, I love you

I love you, and I'm sorry.