Anxiety

Home (?)

I'm at my grandparents house. It's the second time this month I'm spending the night here.

I love spending time with my grandparents in the day, taking care of their dog, going on walks.

Having dinner, talking about school, playing card games. 

Having late night sandwiches, watching TV in bed with my grandmother.

Saying goodnight, going to my own bed in the guest room.

I feel so calm whenever I'm here, because everything is so clean and so obvious.

Back home my room is a mess, my mind is a blur, all signs of life are sucked out of me. I'm anxious, worried.

But here I'm not. I'm excited, I'm calm and I am energized.

I'm not sure why I feel that way, and I' sad that my real home is nothing but a house with furniture and people.

I wouldn't turn down moving here, not at all.

But this isn't home. This is somebody elses home, not mine. I don't belong here.