Anxiety

For fucks sake

Hey!

Last night was special. 

A friend from school wanted to celebrate her birthday so a few of us just hung out at her place for the night and played games and had some dinner. 

Later we went out and had something to drink, and I called a friend and asked her to meet me up. We met outside our favorite club, we paid and got in. 

The first person I saw when I got in was him. 

Of fucking course, who else? I didn't see his face at first, but I recognized him very well from the back. That's funny to me, I didn't know I had studied him that well. He turned around and and bumped into him to get out of there, I said sorry but didn't look at him. I pretended that I'd never even met him before, and neither one of us said hi. Immature you might think, and sure it probably was. But me and my friend was close to him during the night and we had so much fun!  I just couldn't let this break of ours ruin my night, so I didn't. 

It was all fun and games being closer to him as he tried to get out of there. I wanted to be far away from him too, though. I watched him sip on his beer, his eyes were all blurry and I was pretty sure he was wasted. My favorite part was watching him trying to get it on with more than one girl, without success. It was so obvious that him and I were competing in "who can prove they've moved on in the best way". I just didn't bother anymore after a while so me and my friend kept dancing, and out of sudden I bumped into this girl.

I've been skipping school a lot lately so she didn't recognize me from class, but she introduced me to one of her friends with the words "This is *name*, he is awesome". 

So I spent the rest of the night with this "awesome dude" over some drinks, dancing and a lot of talking. My friend was there too of course, so all three of us had a great time. He was really cute and seemed to be a nice guy, so we exchanged numbers and maybe hooked up a few times...

I'm starting to understand what "the night life" is all about and I really really like it. Can I call it a hobby? I don't know, but I enjoy dancing and singing with strangers in the middle of the night and then have drinks. I've gotten to know so many people too! Maybe not friends for live, but I've gained so much experience from guys who screw you over or just want to have sex with you. I've also met guys who are adorable but who I haven't felt that way about.  I don't need boys to feel better about myself, but I def feel less shitty about myself. It's fun to experience yourself along with new people, you really get to know the real you. This far I've learned how to not take things so seriously all the time. You kissed a stranger? Cool, that's fine. You didn't drink tonight? Cool, you saved a lot of money. You saw an ex boyfriend who kept staring at you but never said hi? Fuck him, it's just another guy. Go have fun. Tell somebody new about your life. Have shots with a friend. Dance the night away. Ask someone what their favorite song is. 

Don't worry too much. Everything happens for a reason. Well, almost everything. Take a risk for fucks sake, you life doesn't depend on it.