Anxiety

To last

On the last night of July you and I were out drinking with your friends. We were wasted and you were talking almost too fast for me to keep up. You asked if we were together for real and I said yes. I told you that some things in life are too obvious to deny. We were together even though we'd never talked about it. I just knew.

I can't remember the car ride home but your friend and I spent the night at your place. My head was spinning from the drinking and even though I could cope with it I had to get out of bed in the middle of the night. You're a heavy sleeper and you didn't notice that I was gone.

I felt empty and alone for some reason and you woke up and just held me.

I was sad.

You said there was something you had to tell me. That you loved me and I asked if you really did.

Yes, you did.

You told me that you loved me and you told me that I'm the first girl you've ever loved. I was happy and sad at the same time and the next morning I was scared that you didn't love me anymore.

You spent that night whispering my name and stroking my hair. I loved you too. So much, and I apologized for being so stubborn for not telling you sooner.

It's the last night of October. We booked a trip together, a trip for the day.

Last night I was at your place and I didn't feel wanted so I got dressed and left sooner than I was supposed to. You asked me if something was wrong but I could barely speak.

I feel sad and at the same time as I want to be with you every single minute of the day, I just know deep within that we're never going to last.