Anxiety

WE ONLY LIVE ONCE

Do you remember the first guy who broke my heart?

Today I decided to forgive him. Not for his sake, but for mine.

I guess people make mistakes, and we can't take things we've done in the past back. I was a mess for 10 months because of him and he deserves to feel heartbreak like mine too, but I'm tired of being mad at people.

I am so tired of hating people.

I know that I deserve better than anyone I've ever been with, and that's good enough for me. I deserve to be happy and I deserve to be a good person.

This guy can fall for me all he wants, talk to me all he wants. But I will never in a million years fall back in the same trap again. I will walk my own way and watch him fall apart as he can't have me.

I'm not doing this to be mean, I'm doing this because I feel like I have to. I'm glad I can finally let go of the people that have been treating me poorly, and I am glad I can forgive them and move the fuck on.

They don't deserve my time, I know that, but I'm not going to be the person to completely ignore somebody else.

I want them to see me live my life. I want them to see me happy. I want them to want me again, simply because they can't have me.

I want them to regret what they've done. I want to be on good terms with people I've fought with.

I am finally letting go, I am finally moving on but most importantly, I am finally living my own life.

It doesn't matter what they do. It doesn't matter what they say.

Their words and their actions don't affect me anymore.

I am happy to say that my hair finally is blowing in the wind and it smells fucking great. There are jealous bitches out there who want to be me but they will never be me.

There are boys out there who want my attention but I won't give it to them.

All this anger I've let in has made me the person that I am today. I'm proud. I'm satisfied. I love myself.

I'm glad all of this happened.

I'm glad my heart has been shattered twice. I'm glad I've only been with boys who are assholes. I'm glad I've been in love. I'm glad I hated myself, because if I didn't, I would never love myself as much as I do now.

Remember girls and boys, confidence is the best clothing you can wear. Make sure to put it on every single day and fucking smash dumb people to the ground if they don't like you.

As long as you like yourself, nothing else matters. It's true.

If you wake up in the morning and love yourself, it doesn't matter that your best friend is an asshole the same day. It doesn't matter that your teacher wants to yell you out because you're late with a paper. It doesn't fucking matter what others think about you as long as you're happy and pleased with yourself.

I don't wake up at 6 am every morning to run because I want to please somebody else. This body isn't yours, it's mine. I'm wearing these skinny jeans because I look hella good in them, not because I want you to compliment my ass.

Please people, start doing things for you. If you want something out there, go get it. If you're against something, stand up for yourself. No one can tell you what to do.

If you want to be good in school, study your ass off. If you want to be happy with your body, work for it. If you want more friends, get to know new people. We have to start off by trying our hardest every single day, and go to bed with pride.

People have no idea what they're missing out on.  Honestly, people made me turn into a stone. There are very few things I love in life anymore. I'm angry a lot. I start fights a lot, simply because I always stand up for myself. One day it just clicked for me and I stopped taking shit from others.

If I want ice cream, I'm going to have ice cream. If school makes me feel like shit, I won't go.

This is my life and I'm the one in control. No one can tell me what to do. You're in control too, make sure to make the best out of it. We only live once.