Anxiety

New years

January 1st 2013, when the fireworks covered the pitch black sky. That was when I put my letter in that jar, just like everybody else did. 

That was 10 months ago. 

I can remember some of the parts I wrote on the letter. 

I came up with my new years resolution. 

Be healthy. Be yourself. Work harder in school. Be less anti social. Be happy. 

I don't think any of these things have come true. I'm still me, just less happier. I miss the way everything used to be, I miss not having a care in the world. 

But I'm 16 now. I'm 16 and lonely, and I can't seem to do anything right. 

I still have two months left on this traumatic year. And a lot can happen in two months. I know that. 

You can become happy. You can become depressed. 

You can fall in love. You can fall out of love. 

I'm still fat. Might just be even fatter. It's gotten to the point where I have to lie to the people I care abot just to skip showing up in a bikini.

On January 10th I'm going on a vacation. I'm seeing people I haven't seen in forever. I want them to look at me and think: "Wow, she got hot."

You don't gain confidence over night, but maybe in two monts, and ten days? I don't know. 

I'll just give it a shot.