Anxiety

And as time flies

It's been months. And things have changed. 

I'm no longer 72,5 kg. 

I'm 76,4. 

No one is trying to stop me, not even myself. 

Should I feel ashamed?

I'm the new girl in school again. But so is everybody else. And in some weird kind of way, they all have already seemed to find friends. 

I'm trying my hardest to socialize. I'm talking constantly. 

Not the first day, because I was shy. 

But I did the second day. 

And the third day. 

And especially the fourth day. 

Even though I have people to be around, people to walk with to class, I feel so lonely. 

It's like I'm following them. And I'm scared that I'm bothering them. Now as I write this, they're all out having fun. Of course I was invited too, but I didn't want to come. I'm home alone, stuck in my bed, on my laptop. 

I don't want to socialize. 

Because I know what's going to happen. 

They're gonna ignore me. They're not going to listen to what I have to say. 

I'm trying so hard to make new friends. 

But it seems like it's already too late.