Anxiety

Why I want to lose weight

There are a few reasons why I wanna lose weight, so I thought I would tell you guys what a few of them are. 

- To just get it over with. Losing weight is something I constantly think about, no matter where I am or who I'm with. Of course there are times where I don't think about it at all, for example when I'm watching a movie with a friend or when I'm studying (as if that ever happens). But most of the time I am honestly so caught up in thinking about how life would be so much different if I just got rid of the weight once and for all. I get mad at myself for not just getting it over with.

- To stop comparing myself with others. Even when I'm around people that I know love me for me, I compare myself to them. Even though my best friend (who's so tiny and much skinnier than me) eat the same amount of something, I feel like the bigger one. When we go out together I feel like the huge best friend and I see myself as someone who can't control myself around food. I can't describe how pleased I feel once she finally eats more than I do. I feel normal and that's a feeling I long for so often. If I just lost the weight then I wouldn't think so much about how much I eat compared to others and I also woulnd't judge myself so hard. I want to feel good about getting the last piece of cake rather than guilty and fat. 

- To look good. Okay, I'm not saying that fat people look bad, not at all. This is in no way to shame any body type, because I am so accepting with EVERY body type there is, except for my own. I see beauty in every person I see, but I find it hard to do the same thing with myself. I have never been skinny. A few months ago I was, according to my BMI (which you probably shouldn't go after in the first place) at a normal weight. That felt amazing. But I've never been actual skinny. I wanna know what I would look like. I want to feel comfortable in getting new clothes and showing off my body. As of right now, I don't. I just feel heavy and I compare myself and that's not how I want it. My boyfriend tells me I'm beautiful every day and he compliments my body and makes me feel really good about it at times, and since he's with me through the ups and downs in the relationship I have with my body, I feel like he deserves to be with someone who's at their best. And I want him to be with me, but I just have to start getting to my best. He's never ever mentioned anything about my weight, not when I've lost weight and not when I've gained weight. I'm sure he has his thoughts  on this subject but I'm glad he's keeping those thought to himself. At the end of the day I feel loved for ME, and I love him very much back. I want to be the best version of me around him, and I feel like a more confident person when I reach a goal of mine and feel comfortable in my own skin. He deserves that version of me rather than someone who's insecure and hides.