Anxiety

I will never want you again

I've gained a lot of weight. If I don't stop eating like there's no tomorrow I will end up where I started, and I sure as hell didn't fight to lose weight in the first place to gain every single pound back. 

This saturday I was out clubbing with my best friend. On the dance floor I spotted you. I hadn't seen you in probably two years, and when you saw me you whispered something to your friend. I don't regret getting close enough for you to see me, I just wish I hadn't gained all the weight back. It might sound stupid but I have always imagined our next meeting to be different. I've wanted you to see me for the first time in forever, and when you did I wanted you to feel guilt and jealousy. I wanted you to feel regret over leaving me. 

I don't care for you at all anymore. Trust me, I don't. I love my boyfriend so much and at the end of the night I couldn't really understand what made me fall for you in the first place. 

When I picture you in my head I see someone bubbly and beautiful, your curls are shiny and all over the place. When I saw you on saturday your curls were long and just hanging there. Your eyes weren't as capturing as I remembered them to be. I guess when you're in too deep with someone you see all their flaws as something perfect instead. That's what I did with you. Not anymore though, because as I watched you with your friends on the dance floor, all I could as myself was "why him?", because honestly, I didn't find any part of you desirable anymore. 

I will never want you ever again.