The Red Wolf's Daughter (Book 3 Part 2: The Making of the Siran)

Chapter 54

Caroline and I were silent for almost the rest of the way to the shower area, and the air between us was tense and filled with pain and annoyance. We did not say a word to each other, and each of us were lost in our own thoughts about what I had said and what I had not said.

Finally, Caroline was the first to break the silence between us while she cleared her throat and glanced at me from the corner of her eye. Worry and pain filled her eyes while she studied me, and I could tell that she was nervous. "Are you ok?" she asked and cocked her head to the side while she studied me, and her voice was barely above a whisper but was loud enough that I could still hear her.

I bit back a tired sigh and moved a hand through my hair and across my face while I shrugged and pursed my lips in annoyance. "As fine as I can be," I said and licked my lips while I bit back another tired sigh. "Now, how about you, Caroline? Are you ok?" I raised an eyebrow in question while I studied her.

Caroline shrugged and pressed her lips into a thin line. "Same as you, I think," she said, and I couldn't help but bite back a small laugh while I slowly nodded. "I am as fine as I can be."

I cleared my throat and licked my lips while I folded my arms across my chest and tucked my head closer to my chest. "I am sorry that I made you uncomfortable if I did that. I didn't mean to..."

Caroline sighed and slowly nodded, moving a hand through her hair and across her face. "I know," she said before she cleared her throat and licked her lips. "And it's fine. I knew what you meant." She forced a small smile on her face while she looked at me, but it didn't reach her eyes.

I bit back a tired sigh and shook my head, moving a hand through my hair and pursing my lips in annoyance without saying a word. I had no idea if I believed her when she said it was fine, especially since I could tell that something was going through her mind, something that I didn't understand...

Caroline hesitated and licked her lips. "I mean, you are technically a higher rank than me, anyway..." she said before she trailed off with a shrug and a grimace on her face. She folded her arms while she tucked her head closer to her chest and offered me a tight smile. "You are the Siran and are able to shift a wolf form."

I bit back a small laugh and shrugged while I shook my head. "I still have no idea what being the Siran means or how I am supposed to do my job. The person that does know anything about it is being a piece of work and not saying a word about it. I glanced at the ground where a strand of shadow was following us. "Isn't that right, Fernos?" I raised an eyebrow in question while I stared at it.

The shadow grew dimmer, and I couldn't help but roll my eyes which in turn led to a head roll.

"See what I mean?" I asked and gestured toward the shadow that was still on the ground but dim as if he wasn't there. "He doesn't want to let me know, and I am sure that it is something that he doesn't want to..." I hesitated and licked my lips before I cleared my throat and shifted on my feet, trailing off while I grimaced with a small shrug.

"He doesn't want to do what?" Caroline asked. She furrowed her brows and cocked her head while she studied me. "What does he not want to do?"

"He doesn't want to divulge anything with me." I bit back a tired sigh and moved a hand through my hair and across my face. He doesn't want to give me any information that I so desperately need to help me with my quest so that I can go home."

Caroline frowned and slowly blinked. She looked at the shadow of Fernos before she looked at me while she cocked her head to the side. "Why not?" she asked and raised an eyebrow in question. "Why does he not want to divulge that type of information with you?"

I bit back a small smile and tucked my head closer to my chest. Pain and sadness filled my heart, and I couldn't help but look at her and then at the shadow of Fernos again before I looked forward not wanting to meet anyone's gaze. "Because," I said before I paused and licked my lips before I cleared my throat, hesitating because I had no idea what would happen after I said this out loud.

Oh, Goddess help me....

Caroline frowned and turned her brows. She cocked her head to the side and studied me with a raised eyebrow, and I knew that she hated how she had to wait for me to explain what it was that I was thinking, what I was feeling. "Because... why, Ky?" she asked after a moment's pause. "Why is he acting like this?"

I took a deep breath and released it with a small whoosh, sending another prayer to the Moon Goddess before I looked at her with a sad smile on my face and tucked my head closer to my chest. "Because it means that he has to live with the knowledge that he had a different future, too. He had a future where he had a stronger family ground than what he has now."

I shrugged and grimaced, pressing my lips into a thin line. "And to be honest, I think he is afraid."

"Afraid?" Caroline asked and raised an eyebrow in question. Shock and surprise filled her eyes while she studied me. Her eyes were wide, and she looked at the shadow before she looked at me. "Afraid of what?" she asked. "What is he afraid of? He isn't afraid of anything."

I bit back a small chuckle and shook my head. "Everyone is afraid of something, Caroline," I said while I gave her a pointed look. "No matter how big or strong you are or you think you are, you are afraid of something."

Caroline frowned and narrowed her eyes while she stared at me. "Then what is Fernos afraid of?" she asked. "Why does he not want to get to know you or anything like that?" She paused and cleared her throat when a thought crossed her mind. "Why is he afraid of giving you the information that you so desperately seek and want? What does it all mean?"

I bit back a small smile and tucked my head closer to my chest, and my heart stung and became filled with pain when she asked those questions. "Because he is afraid of the changes that will come with it," I said. "He is afraid of knowing that he had a different future and present than the one he had been given, and he doesn't know how to react to it. That is why he doesn't want to get too close to me or anything like that because he will have to face something that could have been his future if things worked out the way he, Grams, and Mom had wanted it to all of those years ago, and he does not know what to do or how to act if he finds out about it."

Caroline furrowed her brows further and pressed her lips into a thin line before she looked at the shadow that had almost disappeared and then she looked at me. Pain and sadness filled her eyes while she stared at me, and I could tell that she did not like that at all. "Are you sure?" she asked, her voice barely above a whisper, and she raised an eyebrow in question. "Are you sure that is what he is feeling about all of this?"

I bit back a small smile and slowly nodded, and my heart seemed to break into a million different pieces. "Yes," I confirmed verbally before I cleared my throat and licked my lips. "I do."

"How?"

"Because I would feel the same way if I were in his position and he was in mine," I said and looked at the shadow of Fernos, with my heart aching and breaking into more pieces. "I would not know how to react if my future changed in the way his future is changing now..."