American Pyramid

Viper Room

Zak 

I didn't like this new friend of Tori's. She had an attitude that wasn't good for Tori's mental health, and I could tell she already had a strong influence on her. I knew Tori was still under the influence of cocaine, but I couldn't prove it. I couldn't catch her doing it, and she seemed to get better at keeping things from me since I poured her collection of alcohol down the drain as well as the dime bag of cocaine she had gotten from someone that night, and I had every reason to believe that it was from Avery. 

I made it very clear to Tori that if she kept having a hard time changing her ways, I would step in even more than I have already, and I really don't want to go that route. For the time being, I also made it very clear that until she got her shit together, I wouldn't let her make an appearance on the show. 

She still came to locations with us, but she drove separately this time because I didn't want Avery to come along in the first place because I didn't have a good feeling about her, but I couldn't convince Tori of that until the time came to where she would see the exact reason herself. 

I sought to Sam for advice as he had known Tori a bit longer than I have in comparison, and he told me in a blunt way that she had to learn her lesson the hard way, and the best thing to do is to just be there for her downfall. I didn't like that, but I knew he was right. Once she was under the influence of something, there was no changing her mind, whether it was a plan of hers, something to do with the horses, and unfortunately, drugs and alcohol. 

I constantly watched her like a hawk when she was around, and during the day, she was completely normal - over productive like usual, ensuring our interviews and locations were set, contact information of every single interview we had planned for the show, hotel bookings, everything, but when we all had downtime, her new addiction within her was awakened, and she would wait until I was asleep to sometimes sneak out to go to a local party. 

She did get better with cutting back on strong alcohol, but that didn't make me feel better when I knew she was doing drugs behind my back. I had no way to prove it unless I made her do a drug test, but I didn't want to make her do that until I knew for certain that she was doing it. 

Her and Avery went out while we were filming, and I had a strong suspicion that I knew where they were without having to look at her location, especially after I had seen the photos she posted on her Instagram an hour ago, and I'm so glad she doesn't have a public profile. I didn't want our fans to see her like this - to use her suffering as their advantage to poke fun at her and put her down, to see her temporarily new lifestyle to fill the void of panic and trauma she had taken on in the last month. Like I said before: I don't blame her one bit for trying to find comfort from the trauma she had endured, and I'm not surprised that she started relying on drugs and alcohol as her nightmares have been getting worse as well as her paranoia. 

But there is a line that she was getting very close to crossing. 

She was getting too comfortable with it, and Avery was going to be the one to make her cross that line sooner than later. 

When we wrapped up filming, the guys wanted to go and grab dinner before they went back to the hotel, but I opted to just order room service since Tori's location showed that she was there - thank God. I didn't want to have to go out and find her, and frankly, I was in no mood. I wanted my Tori back. 

Once I opened the door to our room, I was disgusted to see that Avery was lying on our bed, lying on her stomach as she toyed on her phone. As for Tori, she was in the bathroom combing her hair in just a bra and shorts. 

"Did I interrupt something?" I scoffed, setting down my bag. 

"No? Did you think we were in here scissoring or something?" Avery rolled her eyes. 

"Well, when I see another woman on our bed and my girlfriend in basically her underwear, I can't help but assume," I shrugged. "I think it's time for you to go. You've had enough time with her today." 

She groaned before she got up from the bed, "Yes, sir. See you tomorrow, Tori!" 

"See you tomorrow!" She shouted from the bathroom, wiping down the rest of her face with a baby wipe. "Why do you gotta be so mean, babe?" 

"Trust me, that wasn't me being mean," I sighed, removing the comforter of the bed and tossing it on the couch as I didn't want any remnants of Avery anywhere near me, especially in a bed I was sleeping in. "What were you two doing in here?" 

"Well, we smoked a couple of joints and took a shot of tequila, then I got hot so I took my shirt off because I was going to take a shower before you got back." 

Thank God. 

"Are you hungry?" 

"I'm always hungry, babe," she giggled, turning off the light in the bathroom before she moved to straddle my lap. Even though I was upset with her by openly admitting to smoking weed and drinking alcohol, I still couldn't resist her. She was the love of my life, and loving someone requires you to see them at their worst before they get to their best. She just lost her light for a little while, that's all, and I was going to be here for when that light came back. All I had to do was make sure she wouldn't fall too hard for when she would give up this addiction. "I can't believe you thought me and her were in here doing weird shit." 

"Well, I'm definitely glad that you two weren't in here scissoring on our bed," I chuckled. "I'd rather you two be drinking than doing that." 

"Oh, you'd like that, wouldn't you?" she whispered, placing a kiss to the base of my neck, and I couldn't help but grip her hips tighter. Fuck, she always had me at her mercy. 

"No, I wouldn't." 

"Why not?" 

"For one, I know you're not like that. Two, I don't share. You know that." 

"I guess you're right," she shrugged, placing another kiss to the base of my neck. "I don't like to share either." 

"You never did tell me what you want to eat." 

"I think you can get a pretty good idea of what I want right now." 

"It's what I want, too, but I haven't seen you eat since we've been here." 

"Are you seriously turning down sex with me right now?" 

"No, and you know I'm not lying because you're grinding on the one thing that gives you your answer. All I'm saying is that I'm hungry and I haven't seen you eat since you got here." 

"You don't find me attractive anymore, do you?" 

I almost wanted to laugh at her question because of how absurd it was, but I understood why she was asking this question. I didn't have the heart to tell her that I didn't want to have sex with her at this very moment because I knew she was high and likely drunk, and I knew she wouldn't remember it if it happened now. Not once have we ever had sex after being drunk because just our attraction towards each other was intoxicating enough. 

Like I said before: she was the love of my life, and nothing she could do would make me love her any less. I've seen her at her complete worst and I've seen her at her best. None of that changed how I felt about her, but I knew that this phase she was in right now wasn't who she truly was. She was seeking comfort from the things going on in her mind, and she was suffering through a type of pain that I couldn't even compare to and she was trying to find somewhere to put it. 

I needed to let her heal on her own, because there was nothing I could do that could take that pain and anxiety away. 

All I could do was be here for her - to hold her when she cried, to protect her, to comfort her, and to love her better than anyone else.