American Pyramid

HAUNTED HOUSE

Victoria

I barely slept throughout the night as I lay curled up on the floor. My mind was racing with much-needed productivity. I had no connection to the outside world right now as I purposely left my phone on the nightstand to die. Occasionally, I could hear Zak moving around downstairs, sometimes hearing his voice while he was on the phone. He would come up to check on me every couple of hours and try to convince me to come out, but he knew better than to keep trying. He wanted me to take it at my own pace, and he seemed relieved that I would come out occasionally to check on my horses and use the bathroom, but I chose not to eat dinner or anything other than the crackers I chose to have in the closet with me. 

This was the only way I knew how to break this addiction. My urges were so strong, my hands would tremble when I didn't have a drop of alcohol or drugs, and when I'd feel that urge, I would eat a couple of crackers - the salt giving my mind some kind of satisfaction just long enough that I didn't have the craving of doing something that would make me high or black out. Though eating the crackers didn't get rid of my craving completely, it helped. 

"Alright, back to my room." I sighed at Zak as he was sitting on the back patio overlooking the horses while he listened to the water fountain in the pool. He loved the sound of water, and it was one of the few things I could see him doing for hours, and it always surprised me that he chose to live in the desert where wild rivers and creeks were scarce instead of living somewhere in the mountains and secluded where he could listen to water all day. 

"Won't you sit with me for a bit?" He asked, holding out his hand as an invitation to join him. I wanted to, but I was having that familiar craving again, and I felt I needed to lock myself up to prevent it from going too far. 

"I'm having that urge again, Zak." I shook my head. 

"I know. That's why I want you to sit with me." 

"Want anything to drink?" He smiled at my question, knowing that my offering was in tune with accepting his invitation. He nodded. "I'll be right back, then." 

I brought out two bottles of water before shutting the sliding glass door behind me, Gracie darting out the door as I threw one of her favorite toys into the yard and tossing one of her bones in the padded chair next to the bench Zak was sitting on, knowing that she loved to chew on the filled bones for hours at a time. "Thank you, sweetie." 

"You're welcome." 

I took a drink from the water bottle as Zak moved to where he was laying on his side, opening his arms to invite me to lay with him. He wanted me to lay against him, and I'd be lying if I said I didn't want the same. I had gone a few days without feeling his touch, and perhaps he needed it just as much as I did.

My body was facing his, inhaling his natural scent with a hint of his cologne as my nose pressed against the base of his neck while his arms cradled me, holding me close before I heard him inhale softly through his nose, smelling my hair. "How are you feeling, sweetie?" I knew he asked me this because he could feel my body trembling through my intense craving I was having for cocaine or alcohol. 

"I-I'm okay," I sighed. "Just feeling weird." 

"I wish you'd come to bed tonight so I can just hold you," he sighed. "Even though we're in the same house, it feels like you're not even here." 

"I'm sorry, Zak. I don't think I should go back to normal until I can leave that closet for more than a couple of hours without thinking about wanting to get high." 

"There's so many programs that can help you with that--" 

"No, I'm not going to a program. All they want is an insane amount of money just to tell you what you already know," I scoffed. "The way I'm doing it is helping. I promise." 

"Will you sleep in the bed tonight? Please?" 

"I-I don't know, Zak. I'm afraid that I'll have the nightmares again or even worse - get that craving again and relapse." 

"You won't relapse, sweetie." 

"How are you so sure?" 

"There's no alcohol in this house. I hid your car and truck keys. There's no way you can leave this house without me knowing," he explained. "I know I sound really controlling, but this is the only time where I will be." 

"I don't deserve you." I whispered, nuzzling into his neck and closing my eyes. 

"Yes, you do, sweetie," his arms tightened around me. "I know in the past I've told you that you didn't because you always deserved someone better than me, but I don't want to imagine you with someone else." 

I smiled, looking up at him before he closed the gap between our lips, seeming to savor the sensation of my lips on his before he spoke against my lips, "I love you." 

"I love you, too." 

"Will you sleep in the bed with me tonight?" 

I sighed, "I'll think about it." 

"Please? If you have another nightmare or a strong urge, please wake me up. I'll be right there. I don't like knowing you're sleeping on the floor in our closet." 

"I don't want you to wake up in the middle of the night--"

"I'll stay up all night, then. You have no idea how bad I hate knowing you've locked yourself in our closet for the past few days. All I've wanted to do is this right here - just holding you and keeping you close." 

"I'm sorry, babe--"

"You don't have to apologize to me, sweetie. I don't want you to. All I want is to be here for you."